#what they're reading that it's a little grating. everyone has those moments but it happens weirdly often

[holydivers]

what are your favorite no-thinking podcasts. the kind you'd turn on while doing a task, that's moderately amusing but it doesn't matter if you mostly or completely stop paying attention for a bit

[rising-volteccers]

I've been working on this piece slowly over a few months and finally had the motivation to complete it. This is just a self indulgent piece on the aftermath of HZ044-HZ045. Obvious spoilers for those episodes of course. I'm a bit rusty but hopefully it's still an enjoyable read!

Series: Pokemon Horizons

Characters: Friede, Orla (Major) | Mollie, Murdock, Cap (Minor)

Warnings: Description of a character experiencing a panic attack

---

It's only after the kids have retired for the night that Friede calls for a private meeting. He doesn't have to elaborate on its reason, a quiet sort of understanding prevalent as they all made their way to the meeting room. 

Friede doesn't immediately enter once everyone else does. He stands outside, forehead pressed against the cool wall as he breathes deeply. Once, twice, three times. When he feels a little more centered, that's when Friede slips into the room.

Four sets of eyes turn to him. Graciously, no one comments on the tightness around his own eyes, the way his assuring smile is simply a knee jerk reaction in the face of trouble. It takes a moment for Friede to remember that he doesn't have to, and the smile drops.

Friede gracelessly drops onto his chair. Cap joins him moments later. Usually he perches on Friede's shoulder but his partner, likely sensing the heavy atmosphere, opts to stand on the table instead so he can get a proper view of everyone.

Heavy frowns marred all of their features. No one speaks for a good while, as if fearful of what'll spill out the moment this tentative silence is shattered. The Copperajah in the room is something that needed to be discussed but…

“... I'm glad that you're all alright,” Friede finally whispers. He can't easily shake off the pure dread upon seeing Rayquaza crash into the ship, to see the Brave Olivine fall out of the sky and towards the ocean. If not for Murdock's skill in making an emergency landing and his assuring call afterwards, he wouldn't have been able to focus on the immediate danger in front of him.

“Yeah, us too,” Orla responds steadily. Friede doesn't realize that his fists are clenched until Murdock's warm hand settles atop of them. Friede breathes out, recalls the exercise Mollie taught him. 

In for four, hold for seven, release for eight. Repeat until his head clears up.

Friede is grateful that they give him the time to ease himself back into someone that's not crumbling around the edges. That's better left in private, after he can have a moment to really let the severity of what happened sink in. 

Right now, Friede has to pull himself into the leader of the Rising Volt Tacklers. They're turning to him for support and he'll do his best to become their pillar.

“Okay, so. How badly damaged is the ship?” Friede asks, turning his attention to Orla.

“I'll need time to properly assess it but it's bad enough that we won't be able to fly any time soon,” she replies, lips set into a thin frown. “This isn't like patching up holes. We just about fixed the damage done by that Orthworm last time but the damage here is to the balloon itself, not the ship.”

“Alright, so we're grounded until the balloon can be fixed. At least the ship can sail, so I'll see about getting permission to dock the ship at one of Levincia’s ports.” Friede supposed if there's one thing to be grateful for, is that they’re already close to a major city so that repairs can go underway as soon as Orla gets a full assessment. 

“How are the Pokemon? No one sustained any injuries?” Friede turns his attention to Mollie next. 

“All of them are understandably shaken. It's different from turbulence,” Mollie responds, leaning back against her chair. “Some stuff fell off the shelves but none of it hit the Pokemon. Chansey made sure to keep everyone calm while we made multiple trips towards land.”

“Good, good,” he mutters. It guts him inside to put the Pokemon through such a harrowing experience but at the very least, they’re in good hands with Mollie. Friede will bring Charizard to her later for a check-up.

Friede asks a few more questions about affected areas within the Brave Olivine before they tackle the next course of action: the repairs needed to be done.

“Orla, is the damage something you’re able to fix by yourself?” Friede questions.

She hums, arms crossed as her brows furrow in deep thought. “It’s definitely the most damage the ship’s experienced so far, and while I’ll need to get a good, proper look, I think I can fix it.”

That is gladdening news, even if it’s hard for Friede to feel properly happy about it. “Right. You’ll be having your hands full with it. As for the rest of us, we’re going to have to find ways in drumming up funds for the repair.” It’s not going to be cheap, that’s for certain.

“I know I saw an ad before in the city,” Murdock pipes up, having stayed silent for most of the conversation earlier. “About part-time work at Patisserie Soapberry in Cortondo. The bakery owned by Katy, the Gym Leader there.”

“I can do private consultations,” Mollie adds. “If we’re going to be grounded for a while, I can set something up on the ship. That, or I’ll do online consultations if safety’s a concern.”

“And I can offer online classes or take up researching gigs,” Friede says. “Or take on whatever jobs we get.” 

“That sounds good. Though, now the question is what are the kids going to do?” Murdock’s sporting a deep frown now. “I don’t want them to get bored staying here when we’re doing work.”

“Don’t worry about that.” For the first time since this meeting started, Friede’s lips from a small smile. “They’ve expressed interest in learning about Terastallization. I know someone that I can contact with so they can learn just that.”

He’s going to be pretty busy in the coming days. People to contact, plans to hash out, things to do. Nothing left to do but go at it full steam ahead if he wants the Brave Olivine to be airborne again. 

Seeing that it’s been a long, stressful day for everyone, Friede won’t hold them up any longer. He hangs back long enough to pass Charizard’s Pokeball to Mollie before returning back to his room with Cap trailing behind him. 

Inside, he finds the aftermath of such a violent collision. Anything that’s not taped down is strewn all over the floor. Fallen over books and research papers that are going to be a pain to rearrange greets him. 

Friede sighs deeply. He wants nothing more than to fall onto his bed and sleep but his head is still buzzing with all sorts of thoughts, wanting nothing more than to scratch the itch to be productive. He knows that he’ll feel much better later if he begins the task of cleaning his room up now.

After he hangs up his jacket and rolls up the sleeves of his shirt, Friede gets to work. 

------

It hits Friede thirty minutes later.

The mildly buzzing thoughts rush to the front of his mind all at once. A heavy weight drops in his stomach like an anvil. While he knows what’s happening logically, he's still powerless to stop his own spiraling. 

“Pika?”

Friede has experienced freefall before. Reckless flights on Charizard in his younger years meant instances where he flew too close to the sun. His body is like that right now, floaty in a way that gives him little control. Tremors ripple down his arms, causing his hands to start shaking. 

“Pikapi? Pika!”

Things could have gone terribly wrong. Every time he blinks, the scene plays out behind closed eyelids. The Brave Olivine with a gaping wound to its side falling into the ocean, most of the occupants inside powerless to do anything. 

He was powerless to do anything. 

Friede thinks Cap's trying to catch his attention. It's hard to tell over his increasingly labored breaths. He wants to carefully place the book down in a last ditch effort to exert control but he knows it's not working. 

Sadly, this isn't an unfamiliar sensation. Friede remembers the long and terrible nights where he questions his purpose in life, his brilliant mind viciously turning in on itself. All the times where he shook beneath the covers, grounded only by Charizard's head resting atop his legs. His partner is being checked up at the moment by Mollie after–everything.

Friede hates the cold but the trembles wracking his frame isn't caused by it. Muscle spasms perhaps from the sheer effort, futile as it is, to fight off his own thoughts and feelings. He sucks in air through the tiniest straw in the world and wheezes out a pathetic breath.

I should probably sit down, Friede thinks distantly, eyes flickering down towards his trembling hands. He quietly pleads for his emotions to give him more time to–not think about the memories that are coming out of their hiding place. Shoved to the darkest corners in the heat of the moment, prioritizing what’s in front of him (of Roy and Liko and Dot’s safety) instead of–

The Brave Olivine is fallingfallingfalling he’s not able to do ANYTHING but watch as his friendsfamilyhome falls out of the sky and they’re going to sink in the ocean they’re going to die–

Friede bites his lips, nails biting into the palm of his hands as he hunches over. His vision darkens, white sparks flashing behind closed eyelids from how tightly he squeezes them shut. His shaky legs stumble back, and he trips over nothing before he falls heavily onto his bed. A soft cry slips out when pain erupts from the back of his head as it smacks against the wall but he barely registers it. He’s too busy fighting back the stupid panic clawing at his chest, knowing that he’s being an idiot cause he’s fine, they’re all fine and well and present and they discussed on what to do so there’s no reason to dwell on it anymore.

Yet his ever traitorous mind keeps spinning what-ifs, of scenarios gone horribly, tragically wrong. People he’d have to contact, to comfort, to accept all the vitriol and hate from because he’s the leader so all of their safety should have been his top priority. Friede trusts his friends explicitly but he imagines they’d have regretted placing their trust on him. Can visually see their fear and terror and despair over having followed him in the first place cause now it’ll result in their untimely end.

Friede’s eyes burn. Amidst the sharp panic, he distantly feels a bitter anger growing in himself, at himself, and it’s not helping any. His chest hurt, his head ached, his everything is one giant mass of agony. He hates it. Hates it so so much cause now he’s being reminded just how much it hurts to be afraid.

Above all else, Friede is afraid. Terrified. He’s faced the world with reckless abandon that seeing how his world can easily crumble is a harsh smack to the face. 

He whines softly. Unsure whether the chill he feels now is real, Friede still tries to pull his blanket up to cover himself, hoping that the soft fabric is able to secure him in a way that he’s incapable of. His shaky hands struggle to get a solid grip, and for some reason, this small inconvenience is what finally made the tears bubble over. 

Arceus, this is such a stupid thing to cry over. (In between choked sobs, he fights for air). Friede’s just making a mountain out of an Excadrill hill. (He’s convinced he’s drowning). Everyone’s fine. (He feels lightheaded). The ship is grounded and in need of repairs but with Orla’s handiwork, it’ll be fit to sail in no time. (Black spots dances around his vision). He’s fine so why is he–?

“Friede!”

Warm hands gently enveloped his tight fists. A soft voice gently shushes into his ears.

“It’s going to be alright.” One of his hands is maneuvered into pressing against a soft surface. Vaguely, he feels the gentle rise and fall beneath his palm.

“Try and follow my breathing, okay?”

As he blinks waterlogged eyes, the orange blob slowly sharpens into a familiar face. It’s Orla, sweet, kind Orla who’s looking at him with such soft concern in her eyes. 

Friede doesn’t deserve it. She would have been in the engine room, the first place that would’ve exploded had the ship crashed. The thought causes his breath to hitch, triggering a fit of watery coughs that renewed his tears.

“O-Orla,” he gasps. “I’m–I’m so s-sorry–”

“Shh, none of that now,” Orla gently shushes him. “Just focus on my breathing, okay? I know you can do it. In… Out… In… Out…”

He still desperately wants to apologize but the want to appease her is stronger. So Friede tries his best to follow along. He feels her drawing in a long, deep breath, holding it for a few seconds before slowly exhaling. Orla repeats this for the next couple of minutes, purposefully exaggerating the sound of each inhale and exhale so Friede can more easily follow along.

Friede focuses everything into following along, and soon enough he’s doing it more of his own volition than simply copying Orla’s motions. Slowly but surely, his mind winds down from the nigh high panic it was in before. At some point, one of Orla’s hands gently settles on the nape of his sweaty neck, easing his head down into resting atop her chest. 

Orla’s steady heartbeat further grounds him. It enables him to focus on the fact that she’s alive, unlike what his mind tries to claim earlier. Friede sighs quietly, frozen in this position for what feels like hours until Orla speaks up.

“Hey, are you back with me now?”

“Yeah,” he mouths, then clears his throat to say in a steadier voice. “Yeah, ‘m good now.”

Orla hums in response, and while she seems content to leave him like this for as long as he wants, Friede now feels the deep pangs of shame hitting him. Biting his inner cheek, he slowly pushes himself off of Orla, quickly turning his head to swipe at his eyes. It’s a feeble attempt of regaining back his tattered pride, not when a brief glance at her showcases the evidence of his breakdown on her shirt.

“So… I’d ask if you’re alright but–” Orla gestures lightly between the two of them. “–I’m guessing that’s not the case.”

“I’m sorry,” Friede coughs, feelings his cheeks burn in embarrassment. “I–I didn’t expect you to…”

“Oh, Cap came to get me,” Orla says, sporting a faint smile. “He seems–insistent that I follow him, so I did. And I’m glad.”

Right, Cap would do that. His partner always looked out for him, and in a situation where he’s unable to Volt Tackle his way through, it’s reasonable to assume that he’ll seek out someone who can deal with the issue. 

Friede’s grateful, even if it’s something that he’ll realize much later. Right now, he’s battling both shame and exhaustion. His brows furrow from the stress of it all, but they smoothed out when Orla pressed her finger against his forehead.

“I can practically hear the gears turning in that big noggin’ of yours,” she states. “Whatever it is, stop it. I know you’re going to just work yourself up again.”

Her light tone manages to make the corners of his lip quirk up. Friede’s eyes shift downwards and to the right, unable to properly meet her gaze.

“Heh, you know me well.” The faint smile drops moments later. He’s quiet for awhile, and Orla seems to understand that he needs time to regroup his thoughts. Once again, Friede’s grateful, even if there’s a part of him that thinks it’s undeserved.

“Look, with what happened today…” Friede swallows through the heavy lump in his throat. “It… it could’ve ended up a lot worse than it did. I’m sorry, it’s all my fau–hey!” 

The sudden flick to his forehead cuts off his apology. Friede instinctively covers the sting with his hand, looking confused at Orla.

Orla gazes back, nods once before lowering her hand. She crosses her arms. “Sorry but it sounded to me that you were trying to apologize for something that was completely out of your power.”

“But–”

“Nu-uh. All of us agreed to go. We all understood the risks of going up against the Explorers and Rayquaza.”

“Yes, but–”

“What happened was something no one could’ve expected. The ship suffered damage but everyone got out of it safely, did we not?”

“Yeah but it–”

“Should be all that matters, yes? Then I don’t see why–”

“Because you all trusted me, okay!?” Friede doesn’t mean to raise his voice but it does surprise Orla into silence. He covers half of his face with his hand, heaving out a deep sigh. “I’m the captain of the Rising Volt Tacklers. All of you trusted me and that trust nearly got you all killed.”

Friede closes his eyes, unwilling to see what kind of expression Orla makes. That only serves to make him vulnerable to the next flick on his forehead, this one seemingly harder than the last.

“Ow! Why do you keep doing that!?” Friede’s a bit annoyed now, gaze narrowing at Orla.

“It’s because someone’s being an idiot right now,” Orla replies, meeting his eyes with an unimpressed look of her own. “Look, do you trust me to make sure the ship’s engine runs smoothly?”

“Yeah?” Despite the confused note to it, he responds without any hesitation.

“Do you trust Mollie to look after the Pokemon in the event of an emergency?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, then do you trust Murdock to steer the ship in the event that you’re unable to?”

“Of course.”

“So we trusted you to look after the kids and deal with whatever trouble that came their way, simple as that,” Orla concluded. “I can confidently say that as infuriating as you can get, no one here regrets trusting you Friede.”

Stunned into silence, he remains still when Orla reaches out to bump her fist against his chest. “So put you trust in that at least.”

Friede stares down at the fist. Abruptly, he exhales deeply, shoulders dropping. “Alright, you made your point Orla.”

When she puts it like that, Friede can’t help but think his previous thoughts were silly. It deepens the embarrassment he feels earlier, though he also feels like a weight has been lifted off of his shoulders. At the same time, the physical and emotional exhaustion of today hits him like a full bodied Volt Tackle. 

“I think it’s better for you to get some rest,” Orla gently suggests. Friede thinks he nodded at her suggestion, though it’s hard to tell when it feels like his head is stuffed with cotton. There seems to be hands helping him lay down, and when his head hits the pillow, his blanket is covering him. 

“Mmm… but I still gotta…”

“Shh… don’t worry about everything.” A gentle hand settles over his forehead, slowly sliding down till it covers his eyes. “Just rest. Trust us to keep everything safe, okay?”

Trust. That’s something he can do.

[twig-tea]

Only Friends Ep7 Random Things I Haven't Already Spewed in the Tags Somewhere

God every line of dialogue this episode makes me want to write an essay.

This is the episode that's going to kill all of the mastermind theories and I'm so grateful. Everyone is just messy and young, not a genius or a villain, thank goodness that's now clear. Though I'm a little sad Boston didn't torture Nick by having more sex with the bug still present before confronting him about it (even though I agree this would have been worse writing).

Kudos to Nick for not outing Sand as the thief even though he was pressured and knew he was losing Boston. I respect it.

I was waiting this whole episode for Mew to confront Boston about him using the footage he took of Mew and Ray kissing to manipulate Top, but he never let on to Boston that he knew about that detail from Top. I was especially thinking about this during the scene where Mew threatens Boston with the Boston/Gap sex tape. I feel like some of those complicated expressions on Neo's face are about Boston thinking about that detail and whether Mew knew. It also says something to me about how much Mew is thinking about Top in this revenge moment (read: not at all). I wonder if it will come up later.

I also wanted to add that this was a brilliant way for Mew to make Boston feel regret (because it was clear he felt no remorse on his own). Mew got to feel morally superior AND instill real fear of consequences in Boston, it really was the perfect revenge.

I'm so interested in what Nick's thinking was re: giving the info about Boston's weakness to Mew. Did he want Boston more isolated from his friends? Was he actually compelled by Mew's argument even though we know he already said he didn't actually want to hurt Boston? [Ok I did already ramble in tags about this one but frfr I wanna knowwww]

Speaking of, it's interesting that Boston felt safe enough to tell Nick those details and not his best friends. Admittedly Nick was a bit right-place-right-time but Boston gave him an explanation, and now we know Mew hadn't heard about this previously.

I'm with @shortpplfedup and @lurkingshan on the Top cares more about Top than he cares about Mew train. I do think Top has some feelings, and they're associated with Mew, and I think they're mostly tied to Top's sense of self and how he wants to change and has told himself Mew is a critical part of making that change work (and making it worthwhile). His own sense of self got in the way of that change initially (which is why he did something Mew would not like at the first sign of maybe being lied to), and this loss seems to have helped him overcome that part of his ego, but we'll see.

Was thinking about the ephemerality squad as we watched Mew burn the physical representation of his time with Top, but only part of it.

Mew is careful and calculating, but he's not perfect and now he's doubting himself. After having scripted his first romance and having had it crash and burn despite his best efforts, second-guessing himself about Ray and being willing to give it a try even though he is sure it's a bad idea is.... painfully real. I didn't think RayMew would happen because Mew seemed so sure, but of course Mew would be doubting himself and his previous convictions now.

Mew really turned to Ray and said "I know we're not a good fit but maybe this is what I'm supposed to do" and Ray went for it because of course he did. Feels like that part of the script is explicitly calling out romantic tropes vs real life and how applying the logic of a romance narrative to reality just leads to heartbreak. I hope this keeps up, because YES. [Also @slayerkitty; is this what Jojo is doing re: dropping the narrative frameworks? Eps 1-5 people were telling themselves stories about how this was going to go and eps 6-7 have so far been realistic consequences. I'm now wondering if there's something there about applying dramatic tropes to the real world and how it doesn't work, actually?)]

Also just have to say, Drake's horny confident impersonal energy was perfect.

I have a whole other post about Cheum I've been drafting since last week and keep getting distracted from, but just to put this out there now: Mew was drowning Boston in that pool and girl you just stood to the side and watched (so did Ray, but he had a fractured arm so I'm giving him a pass).

No Yo at all in this episode; possibly another point in my corner about her being the representation of permanence (at least for this group), since everything was either under threat or had already imploded this episode.

Lastly, I keep thinking about what Ray's dad offered Sand, whether Sand took it, and what it would mean either way. It's absolutely bullshit, actually, that Sand not get paid for spending time with Ray considering how much money he is literally losing by spending time with Ray (this episode mentioned it explicitly: by staying to chill in the tub, he was missing out on plum wine $$). At the same time, Sand losing his other jobs to rely on money from Ray or his father is a recipe for disaster, because Ray is unreliable as a consistent source of income (please see his love of Mew). I understand not wanting to be misunderstood or influenced by money and so leaving it out of the situation, but it's in the situation anyway because Sand has debts and a lot of jobs and not a lot of time. I hate how much money has morality tied to it as much as I hate how sex has morality tied to it. It's not romantic to ruin your life for someone who won't even notice that's what you're doing (because Ray could never understand how Sand not working as hard for a week could absolutely mean Sand can't eat or pay rent--especially if Nick moved out--or pay school fees or his debts). Leaving money out of the calculation of a relationship is a privilege of the middle+ class. [@neuroticbookworm we're really going to have to have that noodling session because now you've got me fired up about this lol].

[this really only barebones touches on ephemerality but since I was thinking about y'all: @ranchthoughts @slayerkitty @wen-kexing-apologist @neuroticbookworm @waitmyturtles @lurkingshan @distant-screaming @chickenstrangers @clara-maybe-ontheroad ]

[tis-the-marmot]

Just some of my thoughts on The Bad Batch finale or, well, The Bad Batch in general under the cut

You know, I can still vividly picture my old self back in 2020, awaiting Ahsoka's return when Season 7 of The Clone Wars had just been released. Then I began watching, and The Bad Batch made their very first appearance. I was like "who the hell are these soldiers, I couldn't care less about their arc. where's Ahsoka. Oh is she coming later? Fine, I guess I can put up with these clones for a few more episodes."

And as I kept watching I could feel myself gradually warming up to them. "Hm. I guess they're not so bad after all. The sniper is kinda cool. And they all have their interesting little dynamics with each other. Echo's back yippiee!! And he's joining the Bad Batch, good for him, good for him."

Still, that wasn't enough to shake my initial indifference, and I quickly went back to wanting them gone. "Okay seriously you guys have stolen too much screentime, I'm ready to see Ahsoka kick Maul's ass now, so byeee"

Who. Would've. Known. Who would've thought I was talking about the same clone squad that would reduce me to a crying mess four years later.

Would 2020 Marmot believe present-day Marmot if I told her that snarky sniper would become one of her favourite Star Wars characters? Would she nod along with uncertainty if I advised her not to get too attached to that guy with the goggles, only for her to grow fond of him anyway?

Would she laugh in my face if I counted all the occasions she would've rewatched those four TCW episodes in the future - the same ones she couldn't wait to get over with the first time - just to recall the simpler days of Clone Force 99?

How would she react if I described her excitement when they first announced that The Bad Batch was going to have its own show, and her absurd feeling of emptiness now that everything's over after three seasons?

I really wish I could delve into a deeper analysis of the last episode and comment on everything that happened, I'd really love to. But I just can't. Not while I'm still trying to process the fact that this series has officially ended.

And what a bittersweet ending to an equally bittersweet story. I've always recognised The Bad Batch for what it is, with all of its strengths and flaws, and I admit there are some narrative choices I still don't fully agree with. But despite everything this show means the world to me. The characters mean the world to me. I've seen Omega grow, change her brothers for the better and let herself be changed by them as well. I've seen how the presence, or rather the absence of certain Bad Batch members affected and shaped the rest of the squad. I laughed with them, cried with them, got frustrated alongside them and sometimes WITH them too. I will forever treasure every single moment I spent with the Bad Batch in mind, from the anticipation and the cryptic tweets the day before every airing, to reading all the different theories and admiring the fanart right after finishing the episode of the week.

Saying goodbye is unbelievably difficult, but I'm so, so grateful for the experience. The Bad Batch will always hold a special place in my heart. A heartfelt thank you to everyone involved in creating this wonderful show, and to the fellow fans who shared this unforgettable journey with me from beginning to end. ❤️🖤

[factorialsotherfandoms]

... not attached to my other post-opc stuff (probably), but! some silly nonsense combining 'thunderstorms' prompt from polyship week with just. throwing a couple of my ships that I usually keep to seperate works together into a polycule to see what would happen. A proper exploration of the dynamics sometime might be fun, but for now...

Rather than explaining, have a little diagram. The polycule network if I'm doing this proper is MUCH bigger, but mini one just for this fic specifically. Johnny-Arthur is dotted as they're not really sure where they stand (also Arthur DEFINITELY would have more branches, but they are not appearing in this fic)

The phone ringing wakes Johnny up. He has been feeling a bit off all day, and so decided lying down was the better option; its not surrender to reduce your chances of face planting into the kitchen floor. Somehow he had fallen asleep, and also manage not to stab himself with the cross-point needle.

It's blunter than the full embroidery ones - he knows not to bring those to bed - but if he's feeling too shit for real physio he might as well do something asked of him.

Delicate movements, visible progress, try to tame shaking and janky hands.

Now he looks the entire ring is missing; Rubens must have checked on him, and set it to one side.

A buzz breaks his attention and - right. Phone.

Ideas slipping. He hates it, but its new.

It is not his phone ringing but Rubens', having been abandoned on the bedside table. Johnny reaches for it anyway - everyone who they want to talk to understands its not Johnny's phone and Rubens' phone, but Johnny and Rubens' phones.

"Hey," he thinks he says, groggy from the interrupted nap. "Who is it?"

"'Sup Johnny" sure enough, Balu takes the swapped phones in his stride. "You two doing alright?"

"I think so?" The question alone banishes… less grogginess than it once would have, but certainly some. "What's wrong? Is everything fine with you?"

"I'm good," Balu hastens to reassure. "Just, there's a storm warning out."

"And?" Why would… that matter? They're not near any waterways, and far enough from sewer grates to not need to worry about them overflowing.

"Migraine pills?" Balu does at least sound amused.

Three years ago, Johnny would have slapped his own head for forgetting that. As it is, he settles on swearing and rummaging around in the drawer.

And if he needs his pills…

"Oi Rubens!" He yells, pretty sure he'll be heard. "You got a minute?"

Balu laughs on the other end of the line, and Johnny pretends to ignore them as he reminds himself which - and how many - pills to take. The box has its own instructions, but inside is a handwritten note from all their experiments before.

Storm, storm, storm…

Remind Rubens to take his anxiety meds, too; Johnny's pills knock him even more sideways, it's just better than without them. Rubens... The lightning tends to bring flashbacks, and with those panic attacks, and Johnny is not going to have the fortitude to help him through it.

He's still reading the note and still being laughed at when Rubens pops his head around the door.

"Johnny?"

"Balu's on the phone for you," Johnny starts with, handing it over and taking the laughter from his hearing. "Says there's a storm coming; could you grab me some water? And you might want your meds too?"

Rubens hums, but does pluck the correct sheet from the drawer. Only once he has done that does he take the phone, putting it to his ear with a "Balu?"

A moment, and then.

"No."

"No."

"Okay?"

"Bye."

Rubens hangs up, and passes the phone back to Johnny. Johnny puts it on the counter while Rubens goes to get water.

It takes longer than Johnny would expect for Rubens to return. He is just starting to worry when Rubens creaks open the door, two glasses in hand. Johnny takes one as Rubens sits down, and together they take their medication.

Only after he's swallowed it does Balu realise that Rubens has changed into his pyjamas and, yeah okay, the pressure changes are already definitely getting to his head. He gives the water a few moments to go down, before flopping onto the pillows.

A few seconds later, Rubens joins him. Half sprawled over him, half tucked into his side, and with a hand over Johnny's eyes.

They both know how this goes by now; Johnny gets comfortable, and places his own hands over Rubens' eyes.

There is little point in speaking as they wait for the storm, so they just tuck into one another. Johnny, on consideration, thinks the best use of time is to fall asleep.

---

It is a little while later Johnny wakes to his bedroom door cracking open. Immediately he is on high alert - no matter the pain, no matter the blurred vision, Rubens is in his arms and nothing should be at the door. It has not been long enough for his meds to properly kick in, but he can push aside the pounding to assess a potential threat. He lies, and he waits, and pretends to be asleep.

And yet, it doesn't come in.

"Hey," a familiar, non-threatening voice says instead. "Balu, Ivete, and I came over. They're making some food, if you're feeling up to it."

Mother Mary, no, he cannot think of anything worse than eating right now - except, perhaps, movement.

And yet, from the kitchen, Johnny can hear the sounds of both cooking and messing around. Laughter and clashing pans, and it's not much good for his head but… he can handle it, far away as the kitchen is.

Wait who is it, he knows them, he's just…

Answer the question.

"We're fine," Johnny says, careful not to wake Rubens as he keeps sleeping on - the lightning hurts Johnny physically, but his memories are far less intense. "just come in, Arthur; I can see your pyjamas from here."

And he can; those trousers are definitely designed for sleeping in, even if hidden by the long coat.

They all know how storms go by now.

And sure enough, Arthur barely waits for the offer. He discards his coat to reveal no shirt at all, and kicks off borrowed slippers as he scrambles into the bed. He squirms into place, pressing against Rubens' back - looping his arm over him and to touch Johnny's shoulder. Johnny shuffles to move it somewhere better, but lets him do what he wants.

Rubens also adjusts, not nearly awake enough to truly understand what is happening, but clinging to Johnny with one hand, and now Arthur's arm with the other.

Johnny shushes him back to sleep, and sees Arthur doing the same.

Their eyes meet, and up close... It gives Johnny a chance to actually assess his condition.

It doesn't look like Arthur's been sleeping enough; his eyes are dark, and movements a little slow. Johnny won't be having that, especially if he can get him to also sleep and so avoid conversation with this headache. He reaches around, pulling at the blankets until they cover him. Once he is done he pulls his arm back, wrapping it back into place around Rubens. Arthur's stays where it was, resting on his shoulder.

Arthur says something, but the movement caused the migraine to spike. Johnny has no idea what he said, and knows that asking for clarification will never work.

"Pyjamas mean sleep," Johnny tells him instead, deciding to avoid it entirely. "Shush."

He does recognise the mouthed apology, and how Arthur tucks himself tighter into Rubens' back. Content this will solve at least two problems, Johnny curls a little more around them in turn.

Arthur clutches at his shoulder.

Johnny… He does not know Arthur as well as he knows Rubens, or Balu, or even Ivete. But he does know that Arthur is a tactile young man, and one who has known the worst of consequences at that. If he's clinging…

Well, Johnny untangles one of his arms from Rubens, using the other to pull him a little closer. He takes that arm and reaches across himself, over to touch Arthur…

He doesn't know how to hold him, is only used to Rubens and his preferences, and so settles for cupping the back of his head.

It seems to get the point across; Arthur relaxes under Johnny's arm, falling almost into putty as he idly tangles fingers into his hair.

Johnny forces himself to stay awake another few moments, just to make sure. But Johnny does not hear more words - sense-making or otherwise - and neither Arthur nor Rubens indicate any distress. At this distance the surely loud laughter in the kitchen is a quiet reassurance, barely audible over the thunder and the rain.

And so, he allows pain and medication to drag him back under, and to sleep.

[birbliophile]

Hello, I hope you don't mind me sending this to your asks box. I couldn't really figure out where to best send the message, but I really wanted to express my heartfelt appreciation for The Taste of Goodbye, so I just decided to send it as an ask. I cannot properly express my gratitude with words alone, but it's worth a try.

First of all - and I'm starting to sound like a broken record here - I obsess over so many aspects of Dungeon Meshi and its characters. One of those aspects I obsess over is Marcille, and how she'd cope with inevitably outliving everyone she holds dear. I think she'd manage, but I wanted to see more stuff exploring that in particular. I've seen comics about it. Beautiful little snippets that leave a hole in my chest and a rope neatly tied around my lungs, but this is the first time I've discovered an actual story about it. And not just any story. No, no no… It's an expertly crafted masterpiece, written in a way that makes me feel emotions I didn't even know I could still feel.

I can't go into detail without spoiling anyone in case this is responded to, but what I can say is that each chapter is unique. With each passing comes a new banquette, and with each new banquette come valuable memories, which can be cherished forever. Sure, they're gone, but their memories and legacy remain. Even if everybody who remembers you has passed away, the world is ever changing and worth exploring. It is worth it to cherish every moment, even if you're the last one standing. You only live once, and every moment of life has meaning. I think Chapter 9 and 10 have some of the most touching, saddening and simultaneously beautiful and hopeful conversations ever. After dwelling on Marcille's lifespan for so long, I'm almost kind of ashamed I never discovered this story before, but now that I've read it, I am eternally grateful.

Your writing style is so perfect for this, the narration describing each action worked wonders for my vivid imagination, and I had no trouble whatsoever imagining these scenes as though they were actually happening. Reading about Marcille's reaction to each passing, as slowly but surely she outlives everyone she loves... It's heartbreaking. The agony of parting is almost palpable. Like a thick smog clogging up my lungs as tears stream down my face. But with each passing, there's a silver lining. Their memories and legacy remain. The people they met, the friends they made, they hold onto those memories and cherish them.

On a more personal note - which I think is necessary to properly convey my gratitude for having read this story - it's almost like coming full circle with the story of Dungeon Meshi and how it affected me. I've attended plenty of funerals, and I felt just as distraught, yet simultaneously hopeful reading this story as I did when I was attending those funerals. At some point though, I stopped caring. I was tired of mourning and shedding tears, and so I stopped crying. I desensitized myself so I no longer had to face the pain of loss, and it's made me very out of touch with my emotions. Dungeon Meshi was the first story I ever read, where I resonated with its characters as deeply as I did. For the first time in years, I was crying, and it hurt. Physically. I genuinely thought I was having a heart attack or broke my ribs, because I hadn't actually felt true sadness in such a long time that my mind and body almost felt like they were at odds with one another, as though my mind was out of practice with emotions, and my body was all too eager to teach it.

Dungeon Meshi has so many themes that stuck with me, and it drove me to feel something again. Something more than weird sensations stapled down under years of desensitization. In a sense, reading this story, about Marcille attending her friends' funerals, is like coming full circle. I was looking forward to reading this because it explored a topic I'm deeply interested in, but now that I finished it, it feels like it completed the story for me in a way not even the post-ending comics could. I wasn't expecting that, but I'm very glad.

I'm sorry if this is kind of an awkward rant, and I'm sorry if it's way longer than actually necessary, but I really wanted to express just how grateful I am I found your story. I am privileged to have experienced this, and my only regret is that I'll never be able to experience it the same way again. I look forward to reading more of your stories.

Thank you.

Wow! Imagine my surprise and delight to get such a kind and extensive comment about The Taste of Goodbye in my inbox! I needed quite a bit of time to compose my response, so here it is:

Marcille’s lifespan being so integral to the themes of Dungeon Meshi is something that also captivated me when I read the manga, and part of the reason I started writing TTOG was because at the time, the fandom was still growing exponentially and there weren’t a ton of fics on ao3 about Marcille and outliving her friends. 

Grief has always been a major theme in my writing, which I honestly only recently kind of figured out. I often say I like happy, fluffy stories, and that is still true—a lot of my works are rather comedic in nature. But grief—the pain of loss, the way it can tear you apart and ache like a wound that will never fully go away, it’s something I find deeply human and fascinating to explore. 

But it’s not really the pain that I find myself drawn to. It’s the love. There’s a quote from the game God of War: Ragnarok that stuck with me a lot and that I’ve thought about every time I write a new grief piece, and it goes like this: 

“The culmination of love is grief. And yet we love despite the inevitable, we open our hearts to it…To grieve deeply…is to have loved fully. Open your heart to the world as you have opened it to me, and you will find every reason to keep living in it.”

It’s a fantastic summary of everything I adore when I write about grief. To write about grief is to write about love, about remembering everything that was good and bad that will never be again, but will always be carried in the hearts of those that survive. Similarly, when I write about death I like to highlight the beauty of life, of change, of what makes life worth living.  

Every life is celebrated, wonderful in its own way, and no life is wasted if there is love in it.

I’m so glad that Dungeon Meshi was such an important piece of art for you, to get you to experience sadness and catharsis in such a powerful way. It’s so cool that art can do this kind of thing! I think good art is deeply important to humanity for this reason—it’s like carving out a piece of your soul and having it resonate with others like the song they never knew they were aching for. 

TTOG is one such piece of my soul, and I’m both immensely surprised and grateful that it’s touched so many people. It might come as a surprise to many that I wouldn’t consider it my magnum opus—I didn’t set out to make it the best thing ever, I just wanted to write a story I hadn’t seen yet in the fandom, and like you said, to bring the story full circle regarding the themes around Marcille, life, and food. In fact, there are a few lines that I’m like “hm, I could’ve done better” and often I’m like “has no one noticed that I forgot the beach I mentioned in Chapter 5 does not exist?” 

But I was very genuine when I wrote it—with all my writing I approach it with emotions that it would be easy to play cool or be ironic about. And I think it’s very clear in my narration how much weight and feeling I give to grief and to love. Which means I’m pretty satisfied with TTOG in the end! 

You absolutely don’t have to apologize for sending me this, I can’t express enough how happy it makes me to get comments from people about how much they enjoyed the writing I create! To have your creation be so meaningful and inspire such deep emotions in others is truly one of the greatest achievements for an artist. 

I don’t know if I’ll ever write anything that hits that hard for so many people again, but I do have a few concepts cooking that might end up having a similar energy to TTOG if I find the energy to complete them. 

Since I mainly write for the Dr. Stone fandom, it may take some time for me to come back to my Dungeon Meshi projects. But I’m happy to see that if/when I do start posting more Dungeon Meshi writing, I’ll definitely have an audience of people who really enjoy my style and themes.

Thank you so much for taking the time to share your thoughts about TTOG with me, and I hope you have a lovely day.  

Oh, and to anyone wondering, the fic mentioned here can be read on ao3 as The Taste of Goodbye by Birbliophile (that’s me, of course!) Warning for BIG end-of-manga spoilers!!

[haleigh-sloth]

379 Leaks React

Okay, gonna start this with honesty and say that I legit was concerned for a bit, reading parts of the leaks. Namely this:

Mostly because as the leaks were dropping (and we hadn't gotten to the end of the chapter yet) it felt like a very sudden burst of agency, independence, will power, you name it--from Tomura. But after the whole chapter came out and I saw the art in there, well, I see it differently and in the end, still things are going in a way I'd hoped for and what works for Tomura's character.

I'll start this by saying that....yeah no, Tomura isn't free. Don't get your hopes up. We've got his personality back and I'm grateful for that, but this man is far from free, and I'll explain.

Tomura: I've been here the whole time, waiting for the moment to take back control, I don't need you or OFA, I have things I want that have nothing to do with you!

That's great! He's kept himself from completely disappearing, HE did that, he kept himself afloat and fought for control. He has some semblance of agency and control. He has his independence back!

Or does he.

Also Tomura: Everything I hate started in that house, that house that I destroyed because I wanted to, because I hated it and everyone in it, and because I was meant to destroy so why would I have done anything differently. Everything I've always wanted has always been to destroy, my "origin" is destruction because I killed my family and destroyed my house because that's what I was born to do!

I really don't need to go into detail about how this isn't true. He didn't want to kill his family or destroy his house. He didn't want any of those things.

But what has happened in Tomura's mind is that he has had 0 ways to cope with his grief--so his coping strategy to protect himself from the psychological damage was to recontextualize it entirely.

Tomura: Grief? Nah, I wanted that to happen. So I'm not sad about it.

That's totally a valid coping mechanism that will have long term benefits. I love that for him.

I bring up his obvious unreliable narrating because it's all coming full circle and back into play here.

"Tomura Shigaraki and Tenko Shimura wish for the same thing." Well, at least the 'tenko and tomura are different people crowd can finally shut the fuck up, god bless

Tomura asserting that they're the same--while unexpected, for me at least--is good development. He's acknowledging that his past self is part of who he is, he's trying very hard to reject everything AFO wanted him to be. It's progress because he's trying.

But man, he is not doing a very good job of that.

Exactly what was Tenko's origin again?

I am fairly certain his origin is not based on an innate lust for death and destruction. I’d bet the farm in it.

Tenko didn't want to destroy everything. But Tomura continues to assert this belief onto himself from the recontextualized grief in order to protect himself from said grief.

What results is his self-hatred that's still there. The guilt that surrounds his family's deaths.

This self-hatred is literally exactly why he is so convinced that he has always wanted to destroy everything, that's all he's ever wanted and that's all he was born to do.

Tomura is not free from AFO because his self-hatred is still so deeply ingrained in him.

This is fake out, just like MVA was, just like the PLF war was.

Every time Tomura tries to assert his independence outside of AFO, it fails, and he comes crashing down, hard. He comes crashing down hard because he continues to insist that all he wants, all he has ever wanted, is death and destruction. The more he clings onto this narrative, the more he will continue to lose.

Tomura is not free from AFO because he has not faced his own reality yet.

Now that I've explained that, let's talk about this:

Tomura basically confirming that he caught onto the little hint that Izuku wanted to do more than just punch and kick.

When he said it's a useless effort, he knew what he was referring to. "Don't try saving me, I won't be satisfied until everything is destroyed".

So, the salvation Tomura's been secretly crying out for this entire time, from Midoriya no less, is right in front of him. And--to nobody's surprise--he's rejecting it.

Again, all he can do is destroy, all this saving talk is nonsense, there's absolutely no point.

This is pure proof of how lost in the AFO sauce Tomura is.

He's in the most unstable, unreliable, contradictory, and most of all vulnerable state of his life. He asserts his desire for destruction, being completely unaware that someone has already seen through it all and knows what's going on inside:

Tough luck Tomura. You’re transparent.

This is what I mean by him not facing his own reality yet. He's in there still crying, that hasn't changed. He is in prime saving position. Let's go Izuku, chop chop.

Onto the art:

All of Tomura's speech is written in black text bubbles. I've only seen this one other time:

Based on the evidence above, I think it's safe to say that:

Black text bubbles = whatever is being said in them is probably bullshit

Tomura asserting his independence this chapter is bound to result in the same failures it did in MVA and the PLF war.

Breaking out of the possession JUST to say "I'm BACK! But I still want exactly what you groomed and primed me to want!" is not the comeback he thinks it is, and it is not a subtle downfall.

He will fall harder, again, because he refuses to let himself be picked up (yet).

Other things:

There are two AFOs. Please don't forget, because OG AFO is the real issue here.

That is all.

Translations used from Pikahlua’s translation.

[autobot-ratchet]

Lost Light 13-15

Lost Light 13

this issue's cover is still so fuckin funny, I remember when we saw it like a month before the issue actually came out and Dratchet nation was popping the fuck off, they really gave us that shoujo romance bullshit moment and I am so grateful for it

one more thing I gotta say about this issue before I actually start it is man. I think that between issues 9 and 10 there was going to be a handful of more arcs, since the mutineers finding “Cyberutopia” and the Rod Squad dealing with all the shit they deal with in this issue seems very much like a prelude to the final arc, but we had to scrap all those arcs and jump to the end so we could, yknow. Have an ending before the reboot started. The fuckin reboot that also got cut off because IDW lost the license for Transformers lmfAO god........ every day I wonder what this comic would've been like if it had gotten to live its full lifespan

lol get fucked Fangry

I remember even when I read this for the first time, I refused to believe that Tailgate was dead lmAO after all the robot gore sprinkled throughout this comic, you're NOT gonna show me his corpse??? or at least the aftermath of his so-called “atomization?????” then he ain't dead, you can't trick me

I still can't believe Lotty actually went along with Swerve's prank lmAO fuckin Noggin........

fUCKIN I FORGOT ABOUT CHROMEDOME AND REWIND CANOODLING IN ROLLER'S ALT MODE........ Y'ALL...............

Anode and Swerve on some spy vs spy shit

dfhsj poor Cyclonus trying to connect to Ultra Magnus, but he's just too sad, the bereaved goth vibes are too much for Magnus to handle

“You were right.” “Oh, Ratchet, the three words I've always longed to hear you say.” god. This is a cute little bit of snark in hindsight but back when this first came out and Dratchet was not yet confirmed canon this was fucking excruciating lmfAO I wanted to believe so bad but I didn't want to get burned

poor Cyclonus, he gets broken up with and then his man goes and dies (or so he thinks), my guy can't catch a break

ooh, I forgot that Chromedome comes out and says it, that Cyclonus wants what he and Rewind have. Uurrghh and Whirl stepping in to mediate...

truly everything is happening so much... and then Ten just puts a hard fuckin stop on everything

Lost Light 14

it is interesting to see Tarn interacting with Shockwave what with their past. It's also very funny that Tarn's insistence that the DJD go through their list in order trips Shockwave up because of how inefficient that is lmAO

love that Epistemus has been reduced to super google

aww Nickel, I'm sorry your old squad was garbage

“We've seen this before!* (*see MTMTE 7)” infinitely grateful for this note because I completely forgot about all the weird experiments the Scavengers found in that worldsweeper lmAO

honestly I kinda wish we could've gotten more into the Scavengers getting on Nickel's case for being a part of the DJD, especially after she doubled down and insisted she was proud of the shit they used to do. Like. Did she know how flimsy a lot of the reasons were for putting people on the list or did Tarn just tell her “they're traitors don't worry about it” and she was just like “okay ❤️ yay ❤️”

okay so yeah, confirmed, all those weird experiments were Scorponok's doing, hell yeah I remembered a detail lmAO

love this stupid death fake-out lmAO I know it's on purpose because the plan was to dismember everyone in a way that looks bad but could be easily fixed but it really does just look like he ripped apart a bunch of action figures

Lost Light 15

love Grimlock putting Misfire's entire head in his mouth. Just a little threatening affectionate gesture

god. Scorponok's whole baby plan is still the wildest fuckin thing in this comic, I am completely incapable of taking it seriously lmAO I'll suspend my disbelief for a lot of dumb shit but not this one, this is actually stupid as hell

love that the Scavengers have no desire even slightly to be part of the war anymore, they're right and they should say it

aww, as much as I harp on Tarn, him giving Nickel a lethal voice message to protect herself with is very sweet

fgdhfsj love everyone asking Krok what to do like “Dad? Dad? Dad what do we do? Dad???”

aww I also like that little bit showing how the Scavengers all met, including Flywheels. Is it better or worse that the DJD got him instead of the Grand Architect lmAO

[allylikethecat]

More on the carsickness haha bc it’s such a sweet and like niche hc but also like makes so much sense ?? Also because I’m obsessed w atkh at the moment just like probably everyone else who ever stepped foot into ur tumblr page lol. How do you reckon fictional George ends up finding out about it? Bc obviously this fictional Matty is less of a complainer and more likely to like pretend everything is fine ig? I guess it’s just one of those things that he’d notice when they spend more time together?

ALSO. Since I’m here, and you said send asks so you can’t stop me ;)

I have been slacking on my atkh chapter comments and I realised I was sooo taking them for granted SO

Starting from the chapter where he breaks down at fictional! George’s, OH MY GOD ????? Written to perfection and I cried. I feel like it’s just such a good way for it to all happen but also so devastating?! And they fact that he’s finally realising that he was soo wrong about everything So then I’m super glad that they got some time to like- be happy- even if you’re going to crush that for a bit..

And then the chapter w charli and everything was so sweet. Fictional Carly is really just another mini protector

The SLEEPOVER ???? Was definitely NOT too self indulgent from you I ate it up oh my god.

And then the date oml. I love anything w the horses in tbh it all seems so personal and real. And the blushing oml so sweet.

Hope your team win the hockey game ? If that’s still going?

I am going to start off by apologizing for how long this response is I got very excited about your WONDERFUL ask...

IDK maybe I'm just projecting but like Matty, fictional and IRL just gives me "gets carsick vibes" so like he will be getting carsick in all of my fics lol Also thank you SO MUCH for being obsessed with ATKH because I am also very obsessed with ATKH and I am just so excited and so grateful that people are enjoying it and will to chat with me about it because that is what I want to be doing at all times lol I don't know if Fictional!George is ever explicitly going to find out - but if he does its probably going to be in the sense that they're going somewhere that's further away, Fictional!George is driving as always, and it starts out fine, but maybe they hit some stop and go traffic, and it's just taking forever and Fictional!Matty has gotten quieter and quieter, and he's got his forehead pressed against the window and his eyes squeezed shut and he is breathing really heavily and Fictional!George is like what's wrong you're really pale and Fictional!Matty is just like "I need you to pull over as soon as you can because I am going to throw up" and Fictional!George is like 😮 what shit and is scrambling to try and pull over and is just like in awe of how calm Fictional!Matty is about the entire thing and is like why didn't you say anything! But Fictional!Matty is just like I get carsick it's fine and Fictional!George is like THIS iS NOT FINE HOW DID I NOT KNOW THIS and next time they go on a roadtrip he's got like water and ginger ale for him and like anti-nausea lollipops and is READY.

No part of me wants to stop you keep the asks coming this is absolute AMAZING and thank you SO MUCH for taking the time to read All the King's Horses I'm just so extremely grateful for everyone who has given it a chance and who has taken the time to chat with me!!

AHHH I'm so happy that you liked the chapter where they really ~talked~ about Fictional!Matty's history, that was one of the very first chapters I saw like fully formed in my mind when I started outlining this fic! It had moments where it was hard to write, but looking back I am happy with how it came out! Fictional!George is very obsessed with Fictional!Matty and that line between love and hate when it comes to obsession is very thin... but yes! They are going to be happy for a little bit 👀

I LOVE Fictional!Charli SO MUCH she is the MVP and the voice of reason in this fic and Fictional!Carly is a compilation of all the fabulous wealthy women who ride at my barn and have adopted me as their like bonus adult child I love them all so much and am so grateful to them and have had so much fun turning them into Fictional!Carly

HEHE I was so excited about the only one bed thing, that is like one of my FAVORITE things and I was so happy and excited to like full send it lol

YAY! I'm so happy that you enjoyed the date chapter! That was another one that was very self indulgent because I NEEDED to get Pop in there - I had to make some major edits to that chapter because I had accidentally made Pop the main character haha he might be the main character in my life but I was like this fic is about Fictional!Matty and Fictional!George not you Pop lol He retaliated IRL today by getting his third eyelid stuck over his eyeball and absolutely freaking me out because he can never NOT be the center of attention lol I was also really amused by how much Fictional!Matty was blushing - part of me worried it was too much but I was also like this fictional man has hardly had anyone do anything truly nice for him just because, ever, in his life, so he is going to be so anxious and embarrassed about it the entire time.

LITERALLY AS I WAS ABOUT TO START TYPING THAT IT WAS IN OVER TIME AND I WAS HORRIBLY STRESSED MY BOYS DID IT MY FAVORITE PLAYER DAVID PASTRNAK FUCKING SCORED IN OVER TIME HE WON THE GAME FOR US WE ARE GOING TO ROUND TWO OF THE STANLEY CUP PLAYOFFS I CANNOT RIGHT NOW OMG LETS GO MY FAVORITE LIL NOODLE!!!!!

❤️❤️❤️ALLY

[sternbilder]

ok so today I had one of the most fascinating and enlightening discussions maybe of my life and I need to share bc it blew my MIND (warning: long)

here's the context. there is a friend I have. they are a pretty good friend of mine that I've known for many years now and I appreciate them as a person very much. lately I have noticed that they've been texting me fairly frequently. which, from my point of view, is once every couple of days. not because they had something specific to say, but just saying hello or asking how my day was.

I'm sure this was well-intentioned, but this was starting to get a tiny bit grating for me. we just met up in person literally two days ago! and you had texted me not long before that, too! nothing new has happened since then! my day has been quite boring, actually! I thought, in my mind, as I swiped away the notification—and immediately felt like an awful friend.

I knew from past experience that responding to the message would invite an immediate and not easily escapable conversation that, due to my poor multitasking skills, would distract me from work or require me to context switch away from whatever else it was I was doing at the moment—cooking, doing chores, watching TV—and worse, amount to little more than idle chit-chat about the same boring quotidian complaints as usual. I am not one of those people who thinks they're above small talk or don't see its social value, but I found myself thinking, am I the one who is being not normal here in not enjoying having this specific kind of interaction MULTIPLE times a week with the SAME person?

so recently, I've been finding myself routinely avoiding opening this particular friend's messages for fear of hurting their feelings if they saw that I had left them on read for a prolonged period of time. I had even gone so far as to avoid posting in a group chat in which we're both participants so that they don't realize that I have, in fact, been online, just not responding to them, specifically. my hope was that after enough slow responses, this friend would eventually get the hint and give up on trying to maintain a steady steam of conversation, but somehow this has not worked so far.

this was starting to weigh on my conscience. I realized that I will have to eventually fight my conflict-avoidant tendencies and just confront this friend directly, for the sake of both my sanity and our friendship. but how to do this gently? tactfully? without implying that I don't value their friendship or that I perceive them as needy or annoying? that was the tricky question. because I know that my friend isn't doing anything wrong! if anything it is probably me that is weird and antisocial and I probably just need to work on my social skills!

but not wanting to feel like a total asshole and hoping to go in with an informed and reasonable mindset (knowing full well that my understanding of social norms isn't always the keenest), I asked a different group chat for their opinion, hoping to gain some perspective on what boundaries they generally considered normal and acceptable to exercise. I phrased my question thusly:

how many friends* would you say you have where you text on a regular basis (say, multiple times a week) 1:1 just to say hi, about nothing in particular *explicitly a friend, not a family member or SO

y'all. the responses were eye-opening.

there were four people who participated in this discussion, all four of whom were in different camps and had wildly different experiences:

0, and assumed most others were the same

0, but assumed most others were not the same

multiple, and assumed most others were the same

multiple, but assumed most others were not the same

1 was me; in retrospect, I am realizing that because I had assumed that these kinds of interactions were not typical, I had interpreted my friend's gesture as something much more significant than it probably was in their mind, which is to say something that they just happen to do with everyone they know and like—which created a sort of pressure in my mind not to let them down and caused a sense of intense anxiety when I found myself struggling to reciprocate. I am absolutely floored at the revelation that it is apparently normal and common for people to have MULTIPLE friends (not even partners!!! or family!!!) that they are talking to on a constant ongoing basis at any given time, and at the possibility that I was treating my friend's feelings with kid gloves when it REALLY wasn't that hashtag deep for them.

2 clarified that they never initiate these kinds of chats, but when others initiate with them, they're fairly comfortable with simply letting these kinds of pings go unanswered, assuming the other person will just move on to someone else without taking it personally.

3 confessed to me that they once tried to do something similar with me, and eventually gave up, but had felt a bit hurt and rejected at my lack of enthusiasm, because they assumed that I was doing this with other people, just not them specifically. they sympathized very strongly with my friend.

4 also recalled that they had at one point tried something similar with me, but sort of got that I wasn't one of those people who would be receptive to this style of communication and wasn't particularly bothered by this, agreeing with 2 that the expectation is not that the recipient HAS to respond, and that my friend should probably pay closer attention to the face-saving social cues I was sending by not responding or responding slowly.

but yeah, the takeaway from this conversation is that people's preferences and experiences and expectations when it comes to digital communication are WILDLY varied, and because both communication technology and the social conventions surrounding them are changing CONSTANTLY (just a few examples: are read receipts good or bad? what about typing indicators? online status? are emoji reacts or gifs/stickers an acceptable substitute for an actual reply? group chats vs. 1:1 DMs? synchronicity and formality of various communication methods like email and chat and video? are phone calls are still socially acceptable?) there are either no agreed-on norms or different camps of people have vastly different understandings of what the norms are

among the other highlights/a-ha moments of this discussion:

Friend 4 asked another friend who is even MORE extraverted than they are what their # was and they reported somewhere in the ballpark of 20-40 people in any given week which is absolutely buckwild to me (importantly, all four of us in the original group happen to be software engineers, a class of people notorious for their lack of sociability, so I have no confidence that I have captured a representative sample size even within this particular group—the numbers both 3 and 4 gave were still both in the single digits, though they are definitely the warmest and friendliest of the bunch)

I realized that one difference between me and 3/4 was that we fulfill our social needs quite differently? specifically, I mostly connect with friends over group chats, of which I have a handful that are quite chatty and at least one or two that I'm actively posting in on any given day. I also typically have at least one, often multiple, real-life social plans every week! I am, in fact, very satisfied with my social life, to the point where it is almost maxing out my social quota (especially recently now that I've started dating someone)! but anyway—I find group chats to be my ideal form of day-to-day communication because there's less urgency and pressure for any individual person to contribute if they're not feeling up for it, and ALSO in the case of group chats where at least one member is a straight man (which is the majority of them for me, and I call out straight men only because they are the only demographic I have historically had this issue with) there is less room for platonic interactions to be undesirably misinterpreted as romantic

3/4 expressed that they prefer 1:1 conversations because they feel more personal and they can be more vulnerable about sensitive topics, which I would generally agree with—though in several of my group chats, I personally do feel comfortable enough with all the members to share things about myself with the entire group just by virtue of having known everyone for a long time and having built group camaraderie, but they seemed to not be comfortable with this without having previously established a consistent 1:1 pattern of day-to-day communication (or maybe they meant they were uncomfortable with the group forum itself, even if they were cool with sharing with everyone individually)?

they also expressed that for them, frequent unsolicited checkins and 1:1 attention from a friend would feel exciting/flattering/validating for them, whereas for me it would feel overwhelming, especially if we weren't THAT close

I do use 1:1 DMs also, but for a very different set of use cases: 1) if I haven't caught up with someone in a while (read: weeks or months), in which case we'll often just not text super long and make plans to call or meet in person instead, or 2) if I have something specific to say, like "here's this meme/song/piece of news I think you'd like to see" or "I need advice on X" or "guess what happened that made me think of you" or "I heard X happened, are you OK?"

I found that whereas I have a very clear distinction between communication preferences with a friend (someone I talk to on a regular basis but don't have a constant line of individual communication with) vs. a significant other (more or less willing to do this, unless they preferred not to), such a boundary between a platonic and romantic relationship does NOT exist for all people which boggled my mind

but yes anyway. I am learning so much about the way people view socializing in the digital age and I am so curious to know more and I kind of wish more people talked about this more openly (specifically among friends! because in my experience this is something that is fairly common to sort out explicitly in a romantic context) because I think this is probably the kind of thing that no one talks about because people are either afraid of potentially hurting feelings or everyone is just kind of assuming by default that their takes are universal without realizing that no actually, many people have strong opinions on this that are the polar opposite of theirs

but my gut feeling is that there is a lot of completely unnecessary friction that could just be resolved if only we could agree that it's cool to be more upfront about what our communication preferences are without worrying about that being taken extremely personally by the other party? bc idk, every single person I talked to about this today was like holy shit this was a whole fucking revelation actually, I can't believe I hadn't thought about this before thank you for bringing this up

[sevnthhart-a]

knock knock, it's me, local menace, and i am here to pose a meta question : what does make tifa happy? what does genuinely spark joy to her? any comfort books, food dishes, drinks, snacks, series, books, music? or would you think that tifa is so absorbed with everything that she hardly makes time to find these things for herself?

blu ,  local menace ,  my beloved. thank you for indulging my brainrot xoxo

i. first off, some background as to how i see her mental state / default emotional response because it plays such a heavy part in understanding my thought process on this. to put it frankly, her feelings run deep. this isn't exclusive to the joyful ones, but the more intense outbursts of sadness, anger, etc. as well. while it may not be intentional, everyone close to her  ( or even just in general )  has the power to break her heart or heal it. that isn't to say she's fragile  ( quite the opposite ;  canon content has put her through so much ,  i'm genuinely in awe of how she's able to withstand it all )  or a crybaby about it  ( because i've seen it been said ). the more ill aligning feelings are just so heavily suppressed that it just ends up spiling out bit by bit before it happens to manifest itself into a full blown breakdown. as for the happier ones, she has no need to hold those in. it shows up in a variety of ways — it isn't difficult to make her happy, either. her heart bores so much resemblance to her mother's, so i don't find it hard to believe that she would be grateful for the little things people say or do for her out of kindness as opposed to actions done because of her looks.  ( side note :  the parallels between thea & tifa are so ashjdfsj i love the lockhart girlies with my entire being ) 

ii. music makes her happy. while i don't think she's a diehard fan of any particular artist, i can see her being a casual listener of instrumentals or just anything that can be softly played in the background while she's working solo. bonus points if it's piano heavy! i say that for obvious reasons, but i like to think it reminds her of home & simpler times. it's a bit odd but having the news on in the background  ( think that one ac scene )  is also something she enjoys. when zangan first dropped her off in an unknown city with little to nothing, having the news on low made it feel like she wasn't so alone. obviously, along came people she could call family, but people gloss over the fact that she felt so very isolated during this time. on quiet days, depending on her mood, she'll pick one over the other & just get to work. it's a good reminder of everything's she gained since then.

iii. i don't see her as a big drinker but, she will indulge herself when the occasion calls for it. she reserves it for special times  ( excluding when she's taste testing new menu options ;  that's work & she'll often pull for a second opinion )  with friends. i read somewhere that her, barret, & cloud will get together every so often to reminisce about old times & drink to the happy ones  ( have no idea if this has been confirmed canon or if anyone else was involved ,  but i just adore the idea & fully implement it into my interp because i'm a whore for found family ). in moments like that, where she isn't questioning her strength or pondering what ifs, that she's on cloud nine — because this is her home & it's every bit as dear to her as nibelheim was. i'm not talking about edge or any other location, but the people in her life. they are so very precious to her & she will drink to that.

iv. i do wanna mention that it isn't rare she'll seek these interactions out whenever things start to take a toll on her. this goes back to my first point, but i see it as her method of coping. cloud has his ways, tifa has hers. she wants to continue being seen as a figurehead of stability by the people closest to her heart ;  all so they feel comfortable relying on her when they're the ones in need  ( her redemption from situations that weren't her fault ). by suppressing those unwanted feelings quietly, she's able to move forward  ( albeit ,  with a heavy heart ,  but a heart nonetheless )  & resolve whatever issue is at hand. so i don't necessarily believe she gets so absorbed with everything that she doesn't have time. if it's urgent & she can feel things slipping, she'll do her best to make time for it. 

v. all in all, there are many ways to make tifa loml lockhart happy ;  but quality time & music are the top two i wanted to elaborate on.

[isa-ghost]

When will the internet stop equating confidence to having a big ego in a negative context? When will the internet stop assuming everyone who doesn't hate themselves or can actually (somewhat) take compliments has some kind of personality disorder or something else (don't even get me started on the ableism in that)?

We're all so desperate to escape imposter syndrome and scrape together some self confidence but the moment someone actually does that, they're egotistical or narcissistic and every little thing they say and do is scrutinized and taken in bad faith. The person gets othered instantly for not hating themselves like "the rest of us," so to speak. And hating themselves may be an exaggeration in some cases but. Have some literacy skills people, don't take everything you read so literally.

This can be interpreted generally and I do encourage people to reblog this for that reason, however I do wanna add my specific personal experience to this since that's what sparked this thought:

I'd like to once again sincerely thank everyone for the love my fics and other stuff gets because it's done wonders for my confidence. I can actually somewhat take compliments now, and I've found a few things I can say about myself and I actually wholeheartedly believe myself when I say them. It's great.

But because the internet is the way it is, I am constantly secretly worried people think I have an ego about it. Like I think I'm hot shit because oooo the stuff I create gets attention and I talk to a lot of the friends I've made and other people in the fandoms I'm in. (/s) That's. Obviously not true, I don't think that. I am confused but grateful. /lh

I have desperately needed this confidence boost I've gotten and I can't even fully enjoy it because I'm too worried about me expressing said confidence being taken in bad faith. Which like. There's always gonna be people Like That yeah, I can't change that, yada yada. It still sucks.

And I've had experiences along those lines before. It's fucking awful to just be having fun and being vocal & social and for shitty people to act like there's malicious intent behind *checks notes* being active in a fandom space. And god forbid you express how rightfully angry and hurt you are about it, they'll just take that as confirmation they're right and spin that in bad faith too.

It's partially why I refused to accept the famous author jokes at first, I didn't want outsiders to think *I* thought that unironically. And the only reason I started running with the joke alongside the people who started it is because I won fun and totally unserious fandom awards for my fic and I didn't even KNOW I was nominated for them until I won. I kinda can't claim I'm not ""famous"" when something that incredible happens.

Anyway I've already joked about it with friends, but if I ever do actually get an ego I want all my friends to beat me with hammers. 👍🏻

Idk, I figured I'd say something genuine bc I hate the idea of being misunderstood lmao. Like this is all probably abundantly clear and shouldn't need saying to begin with bc it's not that deep, it's literally just Being In A Fandom, but the internet and especially Tumblr likes to piss on the poor and take everything dead seriously, so. Egh whatever.

[iviarellereads]

The Eye of the World, Chapter 17 - Watchers and Hunters

(THIS PROJECT IS SPOILER FREE! No spoilers past the chapter you click on. Curious what I'm doing here? Read this post! For the link index and a primer on The Wheel of Time, read this one! Like what you see? Send me a Ko-Fi.)

(Dragon fang icon) In which flames, on the side of the inn.

Rand goes to the common room, to forget what Nynaeve said and the danger she may put them in. Thom is performing again, first another story of the Horn of Valere, and then playing music for dancing. The boys join the dancing when it goes to a group dance, and Rand finds himself startled at various points dancing with Nynaeve and then Moiraine.(1)

Eventually Thom packs away his flute, and the dancing stops. Everyone heads toward bed, but Rand decides to get a cup of milk first. As he's leaving the kitchen with it, a Myrddraal comes down the hall toward him. As it's about to reach him, Lan comes crashing down the stairs, and the Fade retreats. Lan tells Rand they're leaving now, not waiting for first light.

Moiraine is trying to warn the innkeeper about Darkfriends, but he's hearing none of it. Nynaeve says she came to see them back to Emond's Field, and if it means she has to go with them for now, she's still not going home until she can get them home.

They get to a gate to leave the city, and bribe the gatekeeper to open the gate. The governor says not to let anyone enter the city at night, but no mention is made of not letting people leave. Unfortunately, the Whitecloaks show up and ask what's happening, and what evil purposes could drive people out of town in the middle of the night. As they notice Rand, and Bornhald says he's going to take them to their camp for questioning. Moiraine pulls some heavy magic to get them away.(2)

The Whitecloaks get stuck inside the city, as the gate closes behind our crew. As they get a little further away from Baerlon, they see a fire somewhere in the city, big enough to be seen from miles away. They realize it must be the Stag and Lion.

Nynaeve asks if Moiraine thinks at all about the people whose livelihood has just been damaged because of her. Moiraine points out that she could go back, but it would bring unwanted attention on those she helped, and it would expose the Emond's Field Five not only to whoever set the fire, but also to the Whitecloaks, Myrddraal, Draghkar, and Darkfriends waiting for them in the city. Nynaeve mutters that she'd still try to do something, and Moiraine points out that any action would just as likely let the Dark One win the boys he's after.

Rand just hopes Min is alright.

Lan lets them stop and rest for just one hour. The boys have a short discussion about thinking they were safe, just for a moment, but Rand gets tired and decides an hour of sleep is better than none. He gets a few minutes of sleep, despite the stony ground, grateful that he had no dreams he can remember.

They ride off as the sun is rising, Lan clearly expecting an ambush at any moment.

=====

(1) Nynaeve clearly enjoys dancing, but as Rand points out, she probably can't dance at home because what would either of the councils think? She's already so young to be a village's Wisdom, so dancing and flirting have been denied her if she wants to maintain any respect from her elders. Poor Nynaeve. As for Moiraine, well. (2) What do you think she really did?

[the-original-skipps]

Fluffy Alphabet A-Z

Sano Manjiro aka Mikey

Note: Thank you so much for 100+ followers. I wouldn't have been able to get his far without your support. I'm super overjoyed and glad that you guys take the time to read my writing. I love you all very much as promised I hope you enjoy the fluffy alphabet! 💗

A ctivities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

> Mikey likes to go for rides on his CB205T and he likes to bring you along. He just loves the feeling of the wind passing and your presence behind him. Maybe sharing some snacks while you both watch the sunset or the starry night sky, talking about random things. He just generally likes being around you even if you're both just sitting in silence.

B eauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

> He admires your determination and strong will. Since Mikey is mentally weak, he admires those traits in other people. No matter what you'd always be there to scold him or comfort him. It reminds him of his older brother.

C omfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

> Mikey instantly knows if you're feeling down, he just senses it. He'll bring you somewhere where they could both be alone maybe a park or he'll drive somewhere and sit you down. Mikey won't force you to tell him what's wrong but if you do he'll be listening intently. He's not the best at comforting people but makes sure to let you know that he's here for you.

D reams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

> Now this is a hard topic to answer. Mikey has pictured a future with his s/o, living in peace after all the rush during his teenage years. However, he doesn't see it happening because he knows it's best if he keeps his s/o away from him in the future.

E qual - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

> I'd say he's both but mostly on the passive side. He lets you take the lead since he doesn't know much about being in a relationship. He'll be given advice and teased by his close friends but he'll keep their words in mind.

F ight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

> Mikey is pretty stubborn and doesn't like losing. If it's a petty harmless arguement, if he's wrong then he'll muttering an apology to you and completely forget about it. It's difficult to get into a serious argument with him unless it's something concerning him or Toman. Say the things he needs to hear even if himself doesn't agree with you. Then he'll leave to give himself space and think about things. Be patient with him because eventually he'll come around.

G ratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

> Mikey is very grateful for you being by his side even though he thinks he doesn't deserve it. He appreciates every gesture you do for him from the big things and to the little things such as making him lunch or fixing his hair or just being by his side when he feels he's losing himself.

H onesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

> Mikey doesn't hide things, if you ask him something he will directly answer you. He has no trouble talking about a past event since it already happened. Even though he doesn't want you getting involved with Toman, he still tells you about how they're doing or what they're up to. The only things he wouldn't share are his true feelings and his dark impulsivities since he doesn't want to scare you.

I nspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

> Just by being by Mikey's side you are a positive influence on him. It will take a long time but little by little he tries to open up about his true feelings and tries to rely on you more. Everytime you sense he's distancing himself, you would have to drag him back and knock some sense into him.

J ealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

> Mikey is definitely the type to get jealous easily and his childish tendencies tend to come out. If he sees you getting too friendly with someone he'll keep staring until he's had enough and say "(Y/N) is mine, hmph!" With a cute pout on his face. Be sure to coddle him afterwards because he might give you the silent treatment.

K iss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

> Mikey has no experience whatsoever. He has no idea how kisses work. It'll be super rare to get a kiss from Mikey since he's not used to being affectionate. If you're lucky he'll peck you on your cheek or kiss your hands occasionally. Your first kiss with him wasn't planned. Both of you were alone and you were just admiring him as he talked and pressed a light kiss on his lips. He was instantly shocked by what you did as he traces over his lips with his fingers but inside he's feeling all warm. He never knew kisses from you would have this kind of affect on him.

L ove Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

> It took long time for Mikey to realize that what he felt towards you was more than just friendship. He confessed this to Draken and he replied "huh, obviously you like them you idiot. Hurry up and go tell them." In which Mikey replies by telling Draken to do the same for Emma. It happened when he came to pick you up from school one day on his motorcycle and brought you to the riverside. "I finally understand what I feel, (Y/N). I like you... You don't have to give me an answer right away, I'll wait however long it takes..."

M arriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

> Another hard topic to answer. When Mikey fell for you he fell hard. As much as he wants to spend the rest of his life in peace with you, it won't happen. That is until he goes through "certain changes" and let's say he did. You'll be riding with him on his motorcycle on Christmas until he stops at a certain place. He'll start talking about his past and the times you've spent together. Then talking about how much he appreciates you and thanks you then pops the question. The wedding will be small and privately held with only people close to him and you are invited.

N icknames - What do they call their s/o?

> It is known that Mikey gives nicknames to those who are close to him. It depends on what your first name is. He'll most likely you use the first syllable of your name plus -chin, -cchi or -chy. Only when he's serious will he use your real name.

O n Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

> Honestly, it can be really hard to tell unless you really observe Mikey. You would notice he stares at you longer, or everytime your name pops up in a conversation he's interested. Draken is definitely the first the notice this change in Mikey and teases him for it, while Mikey denys it. The others will slowly start to notice this too. Especially, when he bought an extra taiyaki and gave it to you. Takemichy's jaw dropped at the scene.

P DA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

> Mikey won't be announcing to everyone that he has an s/o. However, if someone asks he'll answer honestly. I wouldn't use the word "brag" but he will say nice about you to others. For Mikey, intimate gestures such as kissing are only between the two of you. If someone catches the both of you, Mikey wouldn't be pleased.

Q uirk - Some random ability they have that's beneficial in a relationship.

> You wouldn't have to worry about anyone trying to flirt with you or trying to hurt you not when Mikey's around. Mikey cares deeply about you and would give his life to protect you. You wouldn't have to worry about other people trying to flirt with Mikey either since you already have his heart, he'll simple brush them off. He's loyal.

R omance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

> As I have mentioned earlier, Mikey has no experience with relationships. You would have to teach him things. Still there will be moments that might seem simple to others but to you, you know it's a way Mikey shows his love for you. For example, draping his jacket over your shoulders or buying an extra snack so you could have some too. If he's not busy with Toman matters, he would want to spend his time with you.

S upport - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

> Mikey would genuinely support your dreams and passions, telling you to never give up on them. He believes in you with his whole heart, and he knows you would be able to make your goals come true.

T hrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

> He would like to try things he never experienced before with you, like taking pictures at the photo booth or going shopping for matching keychains. That being said, what Mikey likes the most is the constant reassurance that you're here for him. Routines like going riding on his motorcycle or just talking with you, it what he like most. He's scared that one day you'd leave him so these mundane routines assures him.

U nderstanding - How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

> You would think Mikey is the forgetful type but he actually pays attention to things. He'll notice you eyeing a certain item in a store or if you're lying to him. He genuinely cares about you and would like to know everything about you, even the shameful parts. Mikey has a hard time with emotions, he may not fully understand your troubles but he'll assure you that he'll be there for you.

V alue - How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?

> For Mikey to actually want to establish a relationship with someone. It means he sees you as an important person in his life. However, certain things would have to come before you such as his family and Toman. It is something you would have to understand when dating Mikey.

W ild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon.

> Whenever he looks like he's spacing off during Toman meetings while he is paying attention to what's happening his mind can't help but wander towards you. About what you're currently doing or if you're at home safely. Before he starts the engine of his bike, or has nothing to do he fiddles with the keychain on his keys. It's the matching keychain you both have.

X OXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

> Mikey is not known to be the most showy when it comes to showing his affections. It's the little things he does for only you, that shows how much he cares about you. Mikey secretly likes the affection you give him even if he denies it. It surprises him everytime you hug him or kiss him but he never stops you or tells you to stop. Just don't do it in front of Toman. Even if he doesn't want to, cuddle him as the big spoon and it'll make him really happy. Since he's so used to keeping a strong facade, cuddling with you gives him the impression that with you maybe he doesn't have to do that.

Y earning - How will they cope when they're missing their partner?

> Mikey will still act as the strong charismatic leader of Toman, where nothing fazes him. He won't outwardly show that he misses you but you can tell by the way he fiddles with his matching keychain or stares off into the distance that he misses you. He might even unconsciously blurt a quiet "I miss (Y/N)...."

Z eal - Are they willing to go to great lenghts for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

> Mikey is willing to give his life away to protect you. Just you being with him is dangerous enough who knows who might be out to get him and easiest way they can do that is by getting you. If your safely is at risk even he likes you he would have to break up with you, keep you away from the danger. Because he utmostly cares about your well being and if anything happens to you, it will destroy him.

[cinnamonest]

Kaeya Alberich - Yandere Profile

YES I love my eyepatch boy!! I really like him as a yandere, because he's definitely got several traits and behaviors that would make him a very unconventional/different yet absolutely terrifying one to have. Him or Diluc as your yandere is basically like playing a game on maximum difficulty. He's so arrogant dammit why does he have to make it hot

More importantly, someone take the ability to write n/sfw away from me I s2g... I go from trying to make serious content to nasty weird kinks and completely feral in .002 seconds the moment I add that readmore

tws: gaslighting, manipulation, yandere, mentions of mutilation

tws (below cut): noncon, a good deal of sadism, mentions of an*l

-----------------

What are they generally like? Lucid, aware? Obsessive? How do they behave?

He's actually one of the worst yanderes you could have in almost every regard, for two very simple reasons: his crippling psychological issues, and his intense selfishness. The first manifests as severe abandonment issues. It's the origin of his unhealthy feelings, most likely. Kaeya doesn't like the instability of people - based on his backstory, people always leave, or die, and even if they don't intend to, somehow it feels like abandonment, and he resents it. People leave him all alone and afraid and uncertain. That's generally all he knows, and despite the smug exterior, he's actually pushed people away quite a bit, keeps everyone at arm's length to ensure they can't become someone too important for him to accept their sudden absence. He can't care about someone, because that someone is fated to inevitably leave him, no matter who it may be.

That's why, once you manage to worm your way into his feelings and heart despite his best efforts, once he finally caves to acknowledging the feeling, he's aware. Painfully aware, because be can't stop worrying every waking moment about you, your well-being, your location. It reaches a point where he can't go about his job because he's simply too consumed with his worry.

The solution that kept him safest in the past was to avoid developing emotional attachments, but when he does, he's terrified of both your safety AND you intentionally abandoning him. Really, the latter would hurt worse, since he can't fault you for dying, but to abandon him? It would break him.

And, to some extent, he's developed a lot of  prideful anger about it, deep, deep down. He feels that he doesn't deserve to be abandoned, doesn't deserve to just be left behind under the guise of some greater purpose, and he'll be damned if he just lets you toss him aside like he feels others did. Even if you reject him, he won't accept it. You don't get to reject him. He won't allow that. What has he ever done to deserve everything that's happened to him? Nothing. You're the one person who has stayed with him, and you're going to continue to be with him. Forever.

That being said, he's still somewhat confident because he's got that arrogance about him. He doesn't perceive rejection, because he's always gotten a lot of attention for his looks, even if he's never actually followed through on anyone else's attention out of those same fears. He'll write off any perceived rejection as being for some other reason, something besides an actual rejection, and he'll seek to eliminate whatever he feels is keeping you from just accepting him.

Honestly, one of the most likely to have a full blown, classic-yandere-style psychotic breakdown. He can be driven to a snapping point, if there's enough stress or obstacles, and in case of that, he'll be a lot more willing to kill, and a lot more willing to hurt you, but it's a point that would still take a lot to reach.

But what's really terrifying about Kaeya is his delusions, primarily his ability to mentally justify everything he does without hesitation. Even most delusional yanderes struggle - they feel like it's wrong, they know it is deep down, and they take time to convince themselves of their delusions, tell themselves it's ok over and over, beg for reassurance, and get defensive when called out because they know they're in the wrong. The same isn't true for Kaeya. He automatically justifies his actions by default, and has absolutely zero doubt or hesitation to do so. He doesn't even need a complex reason for justification - it's a simple one. He deserves what he wants. Anything necessary to achieve that is fair.

How likely are they to kidnap their darling? How quickly will they do so?

Highly likely and very quickly, right up there with Diluc and Razor. And he's absolutely remorseless about it. It ties back into his delusional state and ability to justify anything he does - this is what's best for you. If you don't get that, that's your problem, not his.

He's another one to not want to pull some barbaric move like knocking you out, rather, he'd rather just trick you into walking right into your new home. He gets that you'll be upset about it, but to him, that's just part of the process. Not that he'll tolerate it for too long. 12, maybe 24 hours is enough time for you to reasonably be upset, but if you're still trying to fight him on this after that, he's going to get snappy about it, thinking you should already be over that by now.

How difficult is it to escape from them? How do they keep you restrained? How do they deal with attempted escape? 

You're not leaving.

It's not worth trying, really. How he manages to do it is a mystery to you, but he'll manage to keep you locked in right there at the headquarters with him. How Jean and Lisa haven't found out about you being there, how he convinced all of his guards to be on his side of things, you have no idea. Realistically, if you get out, he's likely to make you out to be some kind of criminal that needs to be found -- just not to hurt you in any way, so goes the order, and the knights know better than to question why.

He has eyes and ears everywhere, it won't take them anytime at all to find you. He's so confident in that, and combined with his pride, he doesn't feel the need to go get you himself. No, it's a lot more satisfying to sit back and watch as they drag you through the doors of the headquarters, slowly pull you to the end of the room and drop you down at his feet, where he can look down on you with that closed-eyed, artificially wide smile that tells you that you have seriously fucked up.

Escape attempts aren't going to be met with a single shred of mercy, really. The thing about Kaeya is he's ultimately a selfish, selfish bastard with a lot of deep-seeded, highly repressed emotional issues, and he has absolutely no problem with keeping you bound hand and foot, or maybe even make some permanent modifications to your body if that's what it takes to keep you. It's not a wise idea to even try unless you're absolutely certain to succeed, otherwise you may find yourself never getting the opportunity again. You don't really need those Achilles tendons intact, you know. And your ankle bones are just so fragile, they'll snap with just a little twist. Actually, that wouldn't be too bad, giving you more reasons to be grateful when he's doing everything for you.

He's not one to just let it go, either. No, escape attempts are the one unforgivable thing for him, the one thing that will make him totally and completely snap. You don't get to do that. You're the one thing that doesn't get to just disappear out of his life in a flash. Half the reason he sends the knights to get you rather than going himself is to give him some time to let the rage settle down, otherwise he knows he might not be able to control himself and might end up hurting you even worse than he intends to. He's not going to buy any excuses and won't go any lighter on you if you beg and grovel or anything. But you will apologize -- you get to choose how hard it is. You can apologize the easy way, or, if you don't want to, there are many ways to force it out. But by the end, he'll get an apology, and a promise to never try again, out of you, no matter what that takes. It's by far the worst state you'll ever see him in, and really, once is enough to dissuade you from trying again.

How easy are they to trick, deceive, or manipulate?

You'd have to try pretty hard. He doesn't have the sheer amount of years of life experience like Venti or Zhongli, but he's not the captain for no reason - he's perceptive, and highly intelligent.

Rather than simply mastering reading human voice and facial expressions for telltale signs of deceit, he's good at learning individuals in particular - memorizing the patterns of thought and action of a particular individual, and predicting how they will act. He can do it with everyone else with ease, how much more, then, with the object of an obsession? If you're trying to formulate some plan to trick him, he'll already predict what you'll do, if you lie, he already knows. It's creepier than the others, really, because it's not just that he can tell when you're lying, but rather he already knows you're going to lie or try some scheme before you do it. It feels so tailored and personalized to your thought patterns, it almost feels like an invasion of the privacy of your mind, which, really, is the one privacy you thought you had left.

He's great at gaslighting himself, too. He's a very good liar, and can make you believe anything he wants. He'll target your fears and paranoias, make you believe you're going crazy, and he'll do it all so perfectly you'll never suspect a thing. You'll end up coming to him for protection and guidance, exactly as planned.

How lenient are they? What privileges can you have, and what will you be denied?

Pretty strict. He doesn't let you have any outside contact, and you're limited on what you can do when he's gone. He'll bring you some books, maybe something to draw on -- no sharp writing utensils, though. In his mind, that should be enough to occupy you.

You won't get outside walks or visits. It's just too risky for him, and he really doesn't like seeing other people look at you. If you really, really beg, and you've been on amazing behavior, and you're well into your relationship, maybe a few months or so, there's a chance he'll take you out at nighttime, or sunrise, but at the slightest sign of intentions he doesn't like, you'll be dragged back, and you won't see the sun for a long time.

You'll have a very limited wardrobe, he doesn't see why you even need to wear anything, but if you're going to be stubborn, he can get you something simple, like an old shirt and some underwear, but that's about all you can have. Any requests for actual clothing are going to be denied. It's ridiculous for him to spend money on something you don't need, and besides, he prefers it this way, y'know?

What kind of rules do they have? What kind of punishment would they use?

Generally, it's a simple one: obey. You do what he tells you to do, and you don't do something if he tells you not to. This stems to similar rules that develop: be submissive, don't be argumentative, don't be defiant. Follow those, and you can both be happy, and that's what you want, isn't it? It had better be - he's not very lenient, and will harshly punish even small offenses. As for that punishment... most of it isn't going to be sfw. That's just how he is.

What he will do is emotionally manipulate you, and he's rather good at it. You wanted to escape? Ok. He'll let you have your way, let you be alone. All alone. All by yourself, in a little room, with no one at all, which is exactly how you would have left him, had you succeeded. He knows very well how that kind of loneliness bites. He's not totally cruel, though, and he won't withhold affection from you by the time he returns -- he doesn't need to, you'll already be crying and apologizing, which is exactly what he hoped for. Not that he won't briefly mock you for it.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say you're crying like that because you actually missed me. Oh, you did? Being all alone isn't particularly fun, now is it? I'm sure you understand that now."

How do they deal with rivals, or perceived rivals? Will they get rid of them? Will they kill them themselves, or find another way?

Kaeya's an insanely jealous person. It doesn't show on his face, but it eats at him internally. It doesn't matter if it's a love interest, a platonic friend, even a family member. It's all the same -- people who want to take your attention away from him, people who you smile at that aren't him, people you love that aren't him. He's not one to delude himself into thinking everyone secretly loves you romantically, rather, it doesn't matter. Romantic interests are the worst threat, sure, but friends and family aren't much better.

He sees himself as above killing, though. He has people to do that for him, and he likes knowing that he has that much power. He's not going to dirty his hands with it, and frankly, they're not even worthy of his time and effort to kill them. Knights and other connections can take care of it just as well.

How easy is it to make them mad? What does their anger look like?

As somewhat previously discussed, the primary form of making him mad is attempting an escape. That's on a whole new level of anger because it strikes at a very deep, wounding insecurity. On a normal day, though, he's more easily exasperated than angry. He gets frustrated somewhat easily, especially if you're trying exceptionally hard to be a brat. He has very clear warning signs. His signature little smirk drops, he gets quiet, he balls his hands into fists and digs his fingernails into his palms. At that stage, he's irritable and might snap at you, but won't get too angry until you ignore those signs and push it.

If you do push him, though, he gets genuinely mad, which is a very quiet anger at first -- he doesn't talk much when he's mad. He acts. You'll know he's snapped when he puts down whatever he's doing, and just silently stomps over to you, face completely empty and flat, looking down at you with a cold expression. It's enough to put fear in you, but at that point, even if you apologize, you're not getting out of whatever he's planned.

So they see you as above them, beneath them, or equal to them?

Strongly in the "below" camp, a rather unusual stance for a yandere. Like many things with him, there's an inexplicable duality going on there.  You would think that if you loved someone so strongly you'd kidnap them, kill for them, and potentially suffer consequences just to have them, that you would really think highly of them. On the flip side, you would think that if you really saw someone as lowly, you wouldn't care for them, you'd see them as disposable.

But neither is true for Kaeya, no, he balances both obsessive love and complete narcissism regarding you. You're not disposable, no, he can't live without you, he needs you. But at the same time, you're not gonna be on any kind of pedestal. No, if anything, he sees himself on one, more like a throne, and you on the floor before him, how things should be.

He has a similar mindset to Zhongli or Albedo - you're fragile, you're dumb, you're incapable, and you need someone to care for you, protect you, guide you, someone who knows what's best for you, since you clearly don't. However, he's lacking in the attitude those other two have -- there's no seeing you as an angel here. There's no viewing himself as being absolutely honored to take care of you, or viewing protecting and caring for you as some kind of privilege that they're blessed to do, the way those two do.

No, as much as he loves those things, he'll never admit it, not even to himself really. Rather, his mentality is that you should be grateful. Here he is, a very highly respected, accomplished, capable person, and you...? You have what to offer, exactly? That's right, nothing, really, only cuteness and obedience, the latter of which you refuse to give him even though you really ought to. He's taking on the burden of making sure you don't get yourself killed, and how do you repay him? By getting mad about it, throwing a fit like some little kid? He puts up with your tantrums, which are really undeserved, by the way. He puts up with your disobedience and repeated rule violations, your sheer determination to defy him when he's going out of his way to do what's best for you.

One day, he thinks, you'll mature a little bit and understand why he does what he does, and when you do, you'll come groveling and sniffling about how sorry you are, how you'll never defy him again, how you'll be good and obedient from now on, and he'll love every second of it. He looks forward to that day quite a bit.

"Sigh... you know, you're pretty lucky I love you so much. You could stand to show me a little thanks, don't you think?"

How determined are they for you to love them? How hard will they try to make it happen? Or are they content just having you?

He's strongly determined, and yet... doesn't do much to try. It goes back to his mindset that really, you're the one who should be grateful for him, and eventually, you will love him. He's not gonna grovel to you or try different ways of making you love him, no, he's far too proud for that. But he's a smart man. He knows the effects that complete and total isolation other than one other person can have on someone. He's just going to sit back and wait for that effect to kick in, and slowly watch your fragile little mind deteriorate until you're desperate for affection. At which point, well, he can use it against you.

"You were so mean to me before, weren't you? You fought me every step of the way, and now you're just going to turn around and act like that didn't happen...? Well, if you're really sorry, I'll forgive you. But how am I supposed to believe you really are...? Maybe you can think of a way to prove it, hm?"

Bonus: Is there anything that makes them unique, in comparison to other yanderes?

Probably the severity of his degradation. As aforementioned, most yanderes, even the more confident or cocky individuals, either worship the ground their beloved walks on and sees themselves as beneath them, OR sees their darling as some sort of fragile, angelic being, and they are simply a protector or caretaker to that being.

It's a bit different with him, ever the narcissist. It's a strange duality born out of a rare mix of neediness, obsession, and pride. You're more like a toy, or a pet - an invaluable pet that he could never part with, but a pet nonetheless. He certainly looks down on you more than the average yandere - he mentally associates you as naive, fragile, even dumb like a lot of the aforementioned protector/caretaker types, but without the reverence to make up for it.

It's a bizarre duality that not even he fully understands - don't think for a moment that that means he'll ever tire of you, or view you as disposable. No, he's actually one of the most obsessive ones, yet very demanding of attention and praise, rather than giving it.

He frequently tests you - things like leaving the door unlocked, waiting outside just to see if you'll try it. Seeing you open that door, watching your face go from ecstatic excitement and drop to wide-eyed terror, it's priceless.

"My, my, you didn't waste any time at all, did you? Why do you look so surprised...? You should know I wouldn't slip up that badly."

Pet names, but in the most infuriatingly condescending way, and uses them more often when he's mad and trying to warn you that you're pushing his limits. Particularly fond of "sweetheart," especially with a low warning tone and clenched teeth.

General perverseness: how sexual of a person are they? What’s their drive like? How touchy do they get? Do they have any reservations about sexuality?

Horny fucker, all the way. The man has a lot of stress and frustration in his life already, that much more if you're... less than compliant with your new lifestyle. Sex, especially rough and hard, is a fantastic stress reliever.

Very little reservation. He's not crude about it, but he tends to make subtle innuendos very frequently, and laughs at your embarrassed reactions. Definitely the type to pull the whole shtick in which he says something with a blatant sexual undertone, then elaborates in a way to make it sound like having meant something else, follows with that smirk and says, "Why? What did you think I meant?" It's something he really enjoys doing, and loves to get embarrassed reactions out of people, particularly yourself.

"Touchy" doesn't begin to describe it. Pretty much from the moment you meet him, he's got his hands somewhere on your person. He grabs your shoulders when he stands behind you, he wraps an arm around you from the side when he walks up to you, he's always pressing his hands on your back and sides whenever you're navigating the streets, walking through doorways, wraps an arm around your waist when sitting next to you. It's highly uncomfortable, but really, he's just got something very subtly, but very strongly intimidating about him. You almost don't want to confront him on it. If you do, he'll laugh it off, and stop -- for maybe 48 hours or so, and then he'll be right back at it.

To the surprise of, well, everyone who's ever met him, he doesn't actually live up to the rumors of having been around the block, so to speak. His experience is actually little to none - that kinda happens when you push everyone around you away. Not that he'd ever let you know that, of course, and will probably lie if asked, but you can gleam a little bit of truth from slightly awkward movements and a bit of noticeable shakiness.

How forceful are they? Do they care about your willingness?

Kind of like Razor, the issue is that he loves you, and what better way is there of expressing love? He's not much for gift-giving or words of affirmation - no, he's a lot better with words of degradation, it comes more naturally to him. And he's certainly not one to enjoy acts of service -- well, not doing them, he'll gladly take them as a sign of your love, though. No, he expresses love through touch. It's like how, when you hug someone you really love, someone you missed, you squeeze them extra tight - the love manifests as a physical urge for some strong expression. Humans are physical about their emotions -- we punch walls when we're mad, we jump up and down when we're happy, and when you love someone, sometimes you just really, really want to pound them into a mattress as hard as physically possible. That's normal. That, and really, he's got his vices. He's actually fairly weak when it comes to resisting temptations, and prone to give in to urges for physical sensations like drunkenness and sex.

Is another one to be convinced that, with time, you'll come around. And is absolutely the top candidate to be one for using your own body against you - if you get wet, if you whimper, if you cum, that's just proof that you really do want this, that you're just being difficult because you enjoy being a brat, and he'll be sure to tell you that.

What sort of kinks or fetishes do they have, or would they fill?

This is nearly indistinguishable from punishment, sadistic bastard

D/S dynamics

Arrogant fucker wants to be served and worshipped, you could see it coming from a mile away. Anything that puts you beneath him is going to make him happy - anything where you're where you're supposed to be. There's a lot of options, but it doesn't really matter, as long as he feels like he's in control and ownership of you in some way, and as long as you act accordingly.

He wants it to be something that’s not just for sex, but rather, he’ll end up carrying it over into normal life, whether you like it or not. If you just went along with it in hopes of getting it over with once he cums, you’re going to be in for a treat when it starts to carry over. He gets a little too used to being worshipped, and decides he likes that submissive attitude on you enough to want to see it all the time.

Petplay/Collaring

It really helps that he sees you as something of a pet already, but really, the collar is the selling point. Even if you never go outside, there's something unbearably hot about the possessiveness of it all - really, it's there to remind you of your status as property. He wants to own you, and for you to be forced to acknowledge that he owns you, and there's really no better way to do that than something with his name on it. It's even better with a leash, one he can pull on when he's fucking you to pull you back onto him over, and over, and over, hearing it choke you the more he shortens it.

But really, having you crawl towards him on all fours and obey little commands so simple they're humiliating is pretty nice, too.

Impact pain/painplay

There's really nothing quite so powerful feeling as watching you cry and squirm from it, y'know? He's another one that just likes the marks his hands, belts, or anything else can leave all over the skin of your ass and the back of your legs. The thing with him, though, is it's not even always a punishment, he just does it for fun, and that makes it unpredictable. Will definitely make you count, it's a sadistic torture for your mind and body.

Throatfucking

May be used as a punishment measure, may just be because he's craving it, either way, even if you have a gag reflex, you won't for very long. He'll train it out of you gradually, grabbing the back of your head and just slamming all the way down into your throat, holding you there, making you choke - it's a beautiful sound, really, listening to you gag, all while your throat spasms around him, it's the best feeling, really, and will definitely be used as a threat if you need incentives to behave.

Choking

Ties into the dynamics, but really, there’s not much to say on this one. He likes the power trip from having his hands wrapped around your throat, seeing you struggle, watching your face go red, hearing those little choking noises. It puts power over you into his hands, and if you get pleasure from it against your own will, that’s even better.

How do they feel about pregnancy or babies? Do they want them?

Absolutely one of the ones to use it as a tool. If you have a baby, you'll be so much more bound to him. You'll need him more, you'll want him around more, you'll be much less likely to leave, and in a way it feels a little bit like a sign of ownership over you.

That being said, he's also acutely aware of his jealous tendencies, and realizes he would also be very likely to become jealous if he felt like you loved a baby more than him, or gave it more attention and affection than you do him. He doesn't like the thought.

So ultimately, the latter side prevents him from willingly trying, but if you really, really have defiance issues even after he's tried everything he can to break you help you adjust, he might consider it.

What kind of (nsfw) punishments would they use?

If it's mild enough, he can just take the route of extremely rough fucking - it gets rid of the frustration, he likes hearing you whimper and squeal, and he can leave lots of little bruises as reminders of what not to do in the future.

But, again, he already gets off to putting you in pain - it'll be that much worse when you've done something to deserve it. Harder hits, no mercy whatsoever, and he just loves all your little cries, wiping away your tears and smiling at you, right before bringing down whatever instrument of pain he's chosen again. If you really, really make him mad, and he really wants to make you cry, he's not above fucking your ass, either, watching you cry and beg, but you'll learn with time that begging doesn't ever get you out of anything.

What body parts of their darling do they like the most?

Definitely an ass man. Likes fucking you in doggy, seeing the ripple every time you bounce back off of him, pulling your hair or arms to add some force. He likes seeing all the little red marks that his hands and belts and anything else will leave on the skin, views it like marks of possession. Grabbing, beating, fucking, it's all good.

[megthemewlingquim]

someone new.

summary: there's an art to life's distractions.

pairing: eventual hades! loki x persephone! reader

warnings: implied smut, alcohol consumption

a/n: here it is, the first part of foreigner's god. as said in this fic's masterlist, these will not be chapters, but rather short stories and one shots that can be read separately or as one whole piece. it's up to you.

i plan to base each part off of one or two hozier songs. this is inspired by "someone new".

is there a right way to fall in love?

    that’s what loki asks himself every day — well, every night — when he spends his free time at bars and gatherings. populated widely with fellow gods, goddesses, and spirits of many colors and passions; these bars are perfect places to find someone new.

    being the god of death, however, puts loki at a bit of a disadvantage. yes, the stereotypes are, unfortunately, true. loki is dark, a little antisocial, and very quiet. beautiful in appearance — death is seductive, at least to the willing.

    ‘the willing’ being many a spirit, many a dryad or goddess or creature who wants bragging rights, or a little nightly thrill. ‘that’s right,’ they say, ‘i had a little dance with death last night.’

loki doesn’t mind the mornings when his temporary partners talk about the nights, but he always cringes when they mention that accursed french phrase — la petite mort. it’s a joke to them. a mockery.

   yet, they stay, and sometimes, they come back for another little death.

    the spirits and goddesses never make a big impact on him. he is with one for a night, then another for a night, and so on. he falls in love every day with someone new and it’s a bore. a bore and a drag.

    dark caresses don’t do much to numb the pain: the pain of loneliness and solitude. the ache in his heart is constant, tearing at his mind whenever it can. alcohol can't do much either — all gods have a very high tolerance. mead was made for them.

   so loki is left with no escape besides those that come from the willing. little deaths. they make him feel loved.

   no...

   no one loves death. some crave him. but they don't love him.

   that’s the common theme running through loki’s head every time he takes someone home with him, or goes upstairs with them to the top floors of the inns he’s at, where the bedrooms are. it’s a distraction.

   however, the cycle ends when, while pointlessly wandering around his usual bar, he sees someone new one night. you.

   you radiate this... this warmth that he’s never felt before. everyone around you seems to be affected by it too - they don’t treat you as the life of the party, but they do gravitate towards you like birds to a nest. 

    and you’re quite shy, but infectiously happy and cheerful. you’re so beautiful, with your bright eyes that he knows are wide and filled with wonder, and your lovely skin that he knows is so soft. and your smile that he knows is so comforting to all who see it.

   to everyone else, you feel like they’ve just wandered into a happy memory, or a sun-lit room that’s pleasantly warm and golden. you feel familiar. ordinary, but lovely all the same.

   to loki, you feel... feel like something he’s only experienced in dreams. so, really, he’s never felt it before in his immortal life: something warm and alive and... and anticipatory. like there’s new things about to come up to the surface — flowers, new animals, maybe. you give off a sense of... he can’t describe it well. a slow and joyful awakening something.

   and you also feel completely and utterly powerful. unstoppable. he’s terrified of you, and yet he’s drawn to you. you’re so fascinating, strange. not as if you could end the world, no, that’s his own job. but it’s as if you can bring the whole world to life, raise it back up again after the chaos fades.

   you feel like spring. like rebirth. like new life.

   and that’s when it hits him.

   persephone. he’s heard the name passed around before, but before now, he has never seen the face behind the name. something about this sparks some fear in him: how would persephone, goddess of spring, daughter of demeter, react to seeing anyone even remotely like himself?

   for a moment, he’s grateful that you’re not looking at him; you’re actually looking at the table, at the drink you’re sipping. there’s a look on your face that isn’t bored, nor afraid. maybe... observant.

   people are around you still. not crowding, but not interacting with you either. it’s like you have a bubble around you, keeping everyone from getting too close. maybe it’s your doing but maybe it’s theirs. honestly, you’d think that dryads and gods and goddesses and spirits of all forms and colors and subjects would be more accepting.

   he pities you. you seem lonely.

   loki takes a few steps forward, betraying his own fear. like the red sea, the crowd parts. some are bold and unafraid, and they give loki varying looks: disgusted, seductive, snarky. you don’t notice him until he sits down in front of you, at the other end of the table.

   “hi,” he says calmly. he manages a small smile. “you’re new here, aren’t you?”

   your eyes lift to lock with his own. immediately, you recoil just the slightest bit. he knows what you’re thinking: wait, that’s hades! god of death... wh-why is he talking to me?

   “it’s alright,” he soothes. “don’t worry. you’ve probably heard of all the stories: gods kidnapping and doing terrible things to goddesses and spirits and dryads. i’m not here to do any of that. i promise.”

   with a single, somewhat confused blink, you nod. “m-my mother has told me a lot about that stuff,” you say slowly, as if saying anything too revealing will somehow alert demeter and get you in trouble. “she’s... she’s terrified...”

   “what is she terrified of? that those terrible things might happen to you?”

   “yes,” you say. “she’s told me that she’s had nightmares in the past. specifically about you. how you’ll kidnap me and take me to hell to live with you.”

   he laughs at that - a rich, amused laugh that takes the shivers out of you. “that’s bullshit. overprotective mothers, yeah?”

   you shrug. “she loves me.”

   “and are you afraid of me, princess?” the last word is whispered. his voice extremely soft - it’s a curious question.

   he notices how you lick your lips. “no,” you say. he notices how your eyes flick all over him. “no, i’m not.” and you seem truthful.

   “smart girl,” he says with a grin. “i hate liars. there’s not a god on in the world that’s ever been truthful. well, besides jesus. yahweh. whatever you wanna call him.” loki leans back, crossing his hands behind his head and bringing his feet up to the table. “your father, though... he’s the worst of ‘em. having children with other women, including your mother, while hera has to sit by and watch, and then lying about it.”

   “we’re gods,” you say. “i'm not trying to justify things but... we’re far from perfect.”

   “damn right we are. we’re fucked up. good. we can agree on something. most days, people think us gods are... perfect things. role models. and, maybe some are. but not us. not the gods of olympus.”

   he pauses, takes a swig from a beer bottle that was not in his hand a few seconds ago. “i was wondering if you wanted to do what humans do.” loki winces at the awkwardness. “when they're... y'know. interested in someone.”

   “you're interested... in me?” you ask, incredulously.

   “yeah, i am.” one sip of beer has loosened his tongue. or maybe that's just his confidence soaring now. “maybe this hasn't been the best introduction to things but i would love to take you out sometime. show you things.”

   “my —” you swallow. “i'd get in trouble.” you shrink away just a bit.

   his smile fades and it's replaced with a sadder, more sincere look. “the best things in life have risk to them. it's time i show you that.”

   and really, he does feel sorry for you. it's your first time at a bar, you're lonely. no friends as far as he can tell. an overprotective goddess mother.

   “think of it this way. i think you're very pretty and i like your honesty. i would like to help you see the world, and to have a little fun, since your mother has obviously never let you do anything in your very, very long life.”

   “i'm twenty—one.”

   “and now i'm wondering if demeter actually has you tell people that, as if you're a teenage mortal.” loki shakes his head, disappointed. “that's pathetic. you're a bajillion years old. you're a goddess! you should be able to do whatever the fuck you want, right?”

   when there's no answer from you, he sighs. leans forward to sit normally, putting both of his elbows on the table and pointing his hands at you. “alright. i'll roll with it for now. you're twenty—one. i guess. you can drink. you can go out alone to bars and other places. you can meet new people. you're an adult. think about that.

   “so, again. i think you're very pretty and i wanna show you around. get to know you. would you like to do that with me?” he raises his eyebrows a little, waiting for a response.

   it's an eternity before you can win a battle in your mind. slowly, you nod, giving him a smile. “yeah,” you whisper. “yeah, i would. thank you.”

   “don't thank me just yet, sweetheart. i haven't shown you anything yet.” he gets up, pushes his chair in.

   before he leaves, he winks at you. “call me loki. it's... not as dreadful... as hades. and... what do i call you?”

   you say your name, your voice quiet.

   “much better than persephone, i think. it suits you. we'll keep in touch, ok?”

   “okay,” you say. butterflies are flying rapidly in your stomach.

   loki leaves you there. he'd much rather take you back to your home himself, but that would be too risky for the time being. for now, he walks out of that bar feeling like the king of the world.